Guru Comic: War on Christmas


The God #Wine

jesus-was-hereI’d like to start with a risky disclosure. [deep breath] Okay! Here goes! Hang on tight, this is going to be one hell of a ride.

In real life I’m not that entertaining.

I know, right?!

I have an analytical personality, specifically “INTJ” aka The Architect which includes, among other things, this telling description: “One Reflects More When Traveling Alone.”


As an analytical type, I’ve often gotten into trouble in social situations after being asked a question, especially when I’m not prepared. A question stimulates my brain into “pondering mode” and my face goes blank in the same way as a computer that has been tricked by Captain Kirk.

To the person asking the question, I’m told, this comes across as rude. (Whatever the hell that means.)

(128 words in and the H-bomb has already been dropped three times in a post containing the word “God” in the subject line. Is this guy good or what? -Ed.)

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The Scoop of Poop

Source: Rones.

Source: Rones.

Somewhere out there, in the world, is a person I hate. I’ve never met this person, but I hate him or her just the same. I do not allow the fact that I don’t know the person’s identity to slow me down.

I know what they did. That’s enough for me.

It all started and ended (literally) when my wife brought home a cat.
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Happy Holidays from the Abyss

Abyss Christmas

Rare first edition misprint containing the word “Christmas.” Mint in package. Because who would open that shit?

I recently updated by bio to include “singer” and “songwriter.” My dishonesty is your pain. This is where you pay for tuning in.

Behold, the newest member of the Abyss family. A humble little ditty called “My Christmas Song.” Be advised: You should not listen to this.

Fun fact: I was channeling Burl Ives when I laid down the vocal tracks.

Now please enjoy this, my gift to you. It’s the gift of time in the form of one minute of your life you’ll never get back.

Happy holidays!

To Boldly Not Go: Everything you need to know about the new Star Trek series

aggro-gatordotcom32938It was announced today that Star Trek is coming back to the small screen in 2017. Yes. Finally. A new Star Trek series. That’s exciting news. But wait. What’s the catch?


Mothafukas! So much for that shit.

My operatives have obtained the writer’s and director’s guide for this new series including an advance copy of the script. This humble blog is the exclusive source for this information on the internet.

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Gorging Ourselves (BBB Edition) #PDX #ColumbiaGorge


A hop, skip, and a jump up the Columbia River. There and back again. A gobbet’s journey.

Last Friday my wife and I left the PDX zone and carved our way up the Columbia River Gorge. This is our humble travel blog.

Why is this called the “BBB Edition?” The clever reader will find three “B” words carefully hidden within this post that will illuminate. See if you can find them all.

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Writing This Post


This week I “wrote” a post over on The Nudge Wink Report. Do not go there. Do not look directly at the post.

Originally posted on The Nudge Wink Report:

metaThis post is going to be meta. It’s going to be about process over form. You can go function yourself.

I realized it was my turn to write something. Again. What is this? A wheel in a gerbil cage? I sure hope I’m generating electricity for someone.

My post ideas were as scarce as the GOP enthusiastically supporting Obama’s initiatives and giving Hillary a thumbs up on Benghazi.

Hmm. What to write about? What’s been in the news lately? Guns? George Zimmerman? Jared Fogel? Ferguson? Amy Schumer’s orgasms? How we all survived yet another “end of days” with the blood super moon? (Thus earning participant ribbons.) Oprah buying Weight Watchers? Drake’s dance moves?! The TPP?

NO!!! I cannot do it.

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