Avery Dennison can eat my ass!

Avery iconI had a little problem with my Avery product, namely the White Two-Side Printable Clean Edge Business Cards. The template wouldn’t place my print job in the correct location on the cards, which was annoying.

I went through all sorts of tests and experiments and solutions but nothing worked. It was a pretty helpless feeling.

Thinking about it, I realized I had an HP computer that was running Microsoft Windows operating system running Microsoft Word software connected to my Brother printer that was trying to process Avery business cards. The big question: Which one of this links in that overly complicated chain was the bastard responsible for my prints not coming out correctly?

One thing I tried was downloading software from the Avery.com web site. That didn’t fix the problem, either.

I will concede this positive part of the story: I got a wild idea to call Avery and see what they’d tell me. I figured it would be something like “go to hell” but it was worth a shot. The first person I talked to I could barely understand due to her thick foreign accent and she didn’t do anything for me except tell me the “software” department was busy and give me their phone number. I called them and got a human being right away, and he spoke perfect English and was actually extremely helpful. I learned a lot by talking to him eventually tried his suggestion which fixed the problem: Completely uninstall my printer driver then reinstall it fresh. Somehow that worked magic.

I was extremely happy. Then I noticed that a little Avery icon had wormed itself into my Microsoft Outlook toolbar. (See image on the top left.) As you can see it took up an entire toolbar all by itself which was annoying. I didn’t want or need the icon (why would I in Outlook?) so I went to the View menu, then Toolbars, and removed the checkbox next to Avery.

Done dealio, right? Wrong! Next morning that sucker was back. I shrugged, figured I’d forgotten, unchecked it again and continued on my way.

And again.

Avery iconBy the third freaking time this happened, I realized I was being hosed and I began to get steamed. Well, okay then, I’ll just move it up on the toolbar above. It doesn’t matter me that much if it shows up. I just don’t want it taking up a whole row by itself.

Yep, that wouldn’t fly, either. I tried three times moving the icon and then restarting Microsoft Outlook. Every time I came back in it was back on its own bar. ARRRGH!

Feeling somewhat clever, I went into Microsoft Outlook and deleted that mother fucker. I figured that was a good way to go. Score one for the human!

Nope. Wrong again! That sucka was still sitting all by itself on its own toolbar every time I opened Microsoft Outlook.

Avery icon

By this point I was really beginning to feel freaking pissed. It was starting to seem like this was deliberately obstructionist on the part of their programmers. Like they sat down, came up with a spec, and said: “Let’s make it look like they can disable display of the icon, but if they try it, we’ll force it back up. We obviously know better than the user!”

OK, bastards. Have it your way. You leave me no choice. I have to exercise the “nuclear option.” Apparently nothing will suffice except complete and total uninstall.

Avery iconYou know, I was willing to play nice. I was willing to go the route of peaceful coexistence. It wasn’t my first choice but if, at any step along the way during this painful process, you would have tossed me the smallest of bones, I would have let it go.

But you couldn’t do that.

So I uninstalled the program. Bye bye Avery Dennison piece of shit. Avery still had one last parting shot for me, though. I got the “please wait” window while the system was “gathering required information…” for about five goddamn minutes! “How long does it take to uninstall a freakin’ program???” I yelled into the nothingness.

Whew. Finally it’s gone. And somehow, against all odds, I’m still able to print. Any goodwill they bought with their helpful customer service guy (probably just blind luck on their part) was more than obliterated by what their software did. They have successfully made it onto my hate list.

Rot in hell, Avery Dennison.

One response

  1. I battled that same thing to make CD labels..i was losing my mind at the end

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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