Grumpy grandpa attacks

Grumpy Grandpa was lurking in the shadows. Grumpy Grandpa wields Walking Cane of Grumpiness. Grumpy Grandpa attacks with grumpiness and hits for 27 points of grumpy damage! You flee. Walking on Manicured Lawn bonus fades…

So. Would you rather be attacked by a grumpy grandpa or a grue? I know. It’s a tough choice that could go either way.

Ooops. I just let that cat out of the bag. Yeah, I’m a grandpa. If you are super clever, you can now safely deduce I’m at least 18 years of age or older. Approximately. Yeah, I like to be mysterious that way and keep folks guessing.

Today is also my birthday. Yawn. So the fuck what? Some people think that is a day worthy of celebration. First of all, I’m not so sure I was birthed. I have a strong suspicion I was hatched. Secondly, what’s the big deal about the number of circuits of a planetoid around a big ball of gas being an integer. How many circuits you got, Bob? Oh, about 3.14. Ha! Such a real number. It’s 4.9999 for me! I’m much closer to an integer than you. Loser.

Also, because it’s my birthday I have to make a special trip to the DMV. I’d rather have hot needles stuck in my eyeballs. So I have to write a check to renew my license, get my photo taken, and take time off work to deal with that bullshit which costs me even more money. Lovely.

Two nights ago a package from Amazon.com arrived. The ceremonial exchanging of consumer goods in honor of those circuits around the sun courtesy of Mrs. Abyss. The package sat there on the dinner table as we ate. She looked at me and asked, “Would you like to open that now?”

“Sure,” I answered. “What the hell. That’s two more days we can enjoy whatever is in there before we die. If we wait, that’s two days we’ll never get back.” I was rather pleased with myself for that one. :)

Inside the package were three items. A new Creed CD entitled Full Circle. I didn’t even know those chaps had a new CD out. That was quite a nice surprise. Yes, I’m an atheist who likes Creed and even though he’s an ass, I like Scott Stapp. Also in the package was a Steve Martin CD featuring banjo songs. Cool. Lastly, a hardcover edition of Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. I recently read another book by Gladwell entitled Blink and he’s my current favorite author.

Okay, that’s enough of that crap. You kids keep off of my damn lawn or you’ll get a blast of buckshot in your ass, ya hear?!?

8 responses

  1. Counter Culture Clown | Reply

    That Creed album is total rubbish. Scott Stapp needs to just go away. Them getting back together means Alter Bridge is no more, and that’s just not ok.

    Also: Happy Birthday or whatever it is normal people say to congratulate you on not dying again this year.

    1. Scott Stapp is one of my guilty pleasures. He has an awesome sound.

      For my birthday I prefer verbal/written gifts. Any of the following do well:

      “Rot in hell.”
      “I hate you.”
      “I hope you die.”

      I appreciate those who respect my wishes on this. :)

      1. Counter Culture Clown

        You stated that over at the Cycle of Hate blog on my site, haha.

        But eh… ever heard Stapp’s solo album? Ewwwwwww.

        I don’t hate on Creed like everyone else, I have their three albums (sorry, the new one just doesn’t count…). But he drives me up a wall.

  2. Of course I have his solo album. I listen to it religiously. I love the songs once I get past the pity themes and so forth. Lyrics don’t usually concern me as much as the rest of the song. Even so, I’ll still be in car singing along with lyrics I don’t agree with. They have no power over me. :)

    There is no disputing the fact that Stapp can drive one up a wall. He’s still one of my favorite vocalists of all time to listen to. I know, it’s all part of my special sickness. I just love being sick!

    Mrs. Abyss knew this and thus picked out a perfect gift in spite of what the critics said about Full Circle.

    1. Counter Culture Clown | Reply

      Defending his solo album is just unacceptable.

      Miles from Alter Bridge > Scott Stapp.

  3. Happy Birthday, Grumps! That’s my brother-in-law’s grandpa nickname. Another guy friend has a bumper sticker that says “Grumpy is Good.” Long ago, when we went to Disney World, we parked in the “Grumpy” section (better than the Dopey section), and I told my husband that section was reserved specifically for him. He was not amused, in fact he was Grumpy! So I must like hanging out with Grumpy guys. Must be why I keep coming back here!

  4. Out here in this place that we moved to? The DMV is open on SATURDAYS. I cannot describe how much it rules. When I went to get my licensed renewed a few months ago, it took me longer to drive to the DMV than to get my new license issued. Approximately 15 minutes, in and out.

    Anyway, I’d wish you a happy birthday, but you’re not really into that kind of stuff, sooooo … happy Thursday? Yeah. Happy Thursday!

  5. HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! (I’m saying it anyway.)
    XD

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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