Douchebag Assholery of 2011

Yee-haw!

Today, on the first day of a new year, I know some people celebrate by going all couch potato and shit and watching the New Year’s Day Twilight Zone marathon. (It’s only 45 hours long so do try to squeeze it in if you can.)

Me? I like to be different. I like to be special.

While researching for the biggest douchebags and/or assholes of 2011 I stumbled happenstance on a whole new art form of entertainment to meet my holiday TV marathoning needs.

But first, a few thoughts about the research. In my quest for the biggest douchebags and assholes of 2011 I had to establish some rules. For example, outright criminal behavior doesn’t count. That stuff is on a whole other level. That leaves people like scumbag Jerry Sandusky off the list.

Douchebaggery is more about bad form and poor taste. It’s about being an ass or a jerk.

As I continued my research certain names kept coming up again and again. I think these are the creme de la creme of douches.

The contenders are (as based on my research):

  • Herman Cain. Category: Best use of Pokemon reference during a presidential campaign.
  • Harold Camping. Category: The world is going to end – twice!
  • Donald Trump. Category (dual nomination): The Man Who Would Be Kingmaker and Artful use of birther controversy.
  • Kim Kardashian. Category: Making a mockery of heterosexual (assumed) marriage.
  • Charlie Sheen. Category: Best fake superhero.
  • Ashton Kutcher. Category (dual nomination): Herman Caining the ladies and Self-immolation via Twitter.
  • Michael Lohan. Category: Sucks at escaping police custody.
  • Kanye West: Category (dual nomination): Drama queen and Still no talent.
  • Anthony Weiner. Category: Best use of Twitter to transmit junk. (Double meaning.)
  • Brett Favre. Category: The Dongslinger.

I have to admit that I agree with the internet. Those are all extremely worthy nominees. I’m going to go somewhere different with my pick, though. And that brings us to my new New Year’s Day TV marathon tradition.

Rick Perry Campaign Ad Response Videos

You gotta love the YouTube. A presidential candidate video spawns something like 500 hours of response videos. Sometimes, every once in a while, humanity can impress me. (Don’t tell anyone I said that.)

Here’s the real McCoy:

This video has 7,476,821 views, 24,661 likes, and 728,969 dislikes. Yes, the like/dislike ratio is way more dramatic than even Rebecca Black’s Friday video.

Strong by Rick Perry (transcript)

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a Christian, but you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school. As President, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage. Faith made America strong. It can make her strong again. I’m Rick Perry and I approve this message.

Wow. Rick Perry really likes to kick things up a notch to a whole new level! That’s why he is the official selection of the Abyss for Douchebag of the Year.

The real fun begins when you start surfing the response videos that Rick Perry’s “Strong” campaign ad spawned. Oh yes. This is the good stuff. I’ve personally surfed in this ocean and picked out the creme de la creme for your enjoyment.

3 responses

  1. Absolutely brilliant. Love your summing up of Weiner, Cain and Camping. What a year it was. And Charlie Sheen definitely was the best fake superhero. Happy New Year :lol:

    1. Thank you very much! I like doing the “year in review” type of shit in my own inimitable style. :)

      This post was very important to me. Thanks for noticing.

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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