Termination Tuesday – The Fucked Up Fracas – Week 4

A swipe of the paw and another week has come and gone, this time to disappear into a gaping maw of a fierce beast. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t Rush Limbaugh or Bill O’Reilly, either.

Things got grizzly as Bear Attack easily wiped away Ice Pick to Head.

There’s only one spot left to be filled before we shuffle along to the next round. Who will it be? Food Poisoning or Crushed (Hoarding). These two competitors need no introduction. (Psst. That’s a clue we’re about to introduce them.)

Food Poisoning has a lot of friends, including, but not limited to: Bacteria, exotoxins, mycotoxins and alimentary mycotoxicoses, and, of course, let us not forget emerging foodborne pathogens. “Many foodborne illnesses remain poorly understood. Approximately sixty percent of outbreaks are caused by unknown sources.” Yeah for the unknown!

Meanwhile, in the known column, we can easily count the stuff we obsessively collect. In fact, we know that stuff a little too well. That reminds me of the time I was going for the world record for stacking concrete bricks, but that’s another story. Details are still fuzzy because that event occurred before my lobotomy.

Human collectors know their stuff like the back of their hand. In fact, they make Smaug the Dragon look like a hoarding lightweight, although he wisely stayed on top of his collection, no doubt to better facilitate takeoffs and landings.

Anywho:

A 77-year-old spinster who obsessively hoarded clothes and valuables died in her home after a mountain of suitcases fell on her, burying her alive.
British woman Joan Cunnane owned 300 scarves as well as thousands of trinkets and valuables. They took up so much space in her bungalow that she had only a narrow path to get around them, and her car and garage were packed with other goods.

After she was reported missing earlier this week, it took police searching her home two days to sift through her possessions.

Miss Cunnane was eventually found buried under nearly a 1m pile of cases in a back bedroom where she had apparently gone in search of a favourite item.

The eccentric pensioner, who had no known family, is thought to have died of dehydration several days earlier on Boxing Day.

That had to suck. She never even opened some of the possessions she bought which ended up killing her. I say that’s not shopping smart!

The other day I felt a bit queasy. It must have been something I ate. Weakened, I stumbled and fell backwards and bumped into my some of my stuff, like my dice collection. One thing led to another and last thing I remember was two tons of Beanie Babies…

Click to enlarge

3 responses

  1. I went with food poisoning. That’s the scarier option for me as I don’t keep anything and it’s more likely I’d end up poisoning myself.

    What to come for dinner sometime? :-)

    1. If you do happen to keep something just wash it down with some ammonia and it’ll be good as new!

      Dinner sounds great. With only sixty percent of outbreaks classified as “unknown” I think our odds are pretty good. If we do happen to get taken out, well, at least the Grim Reaper will have to feast on our soles, and he’ll be facing those exact same odds.

  2. I’ve had food poisoning. Not pretty. I didn’t think a person could puke that many times and still survive. But as a person who saves newspapers, etc., I could be crushed by hoarding.

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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