Manson In Love

Play me some damn Barry White!

I’m in the mood for love. Play me some damn Barry White! Get me a beer, Shelly!

Star

Code Name: Star

Eight Simple Rules For Mating My Mid-Twenties Plotter

Who says there’s no good news anymore? A wedding?!? For reals? Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah! I, for one, am ready for a healthy, deep-cleansing cry. Somebody get me a hanky.

Charles Manson, 80, and Afton Elaine Burton (using the known alias of Star), 26, are getting ready to say the big “I do.” Reportedly the State of California has issued these rambunctious youngsters a license to marry.

I was wondering about the rules in a situation like this. Here goes.

  1. No touching!!! Daddy horny, Michael.
  2. Write your own vows. I obtained an advance copy of Charlie’s. “If you look down at me you will see a fool; if you look up at me you will see a god; if you look straight at me you will see yourself.” That’s some deep fucking shit. I wasn’t able to get my grubby mitts on a copy of Star’s but I imagine it would be something along the lines of, “These shrooms are making me so high, man.”
  3. Sometimes a crazed look in the eye is more than enough.
  4. A single serving of Viagra is worth a carton of cigarettes.
  5. An appropriate color scheme is crucial to complement the swastika tattoo between your eyes.
  6. Scheduling early is crucial if one wishes to be joined together by an officially licensed Church of Satan representative.
  7. As a musician, Manson can also be the wedding singer performing his own original songs. No one should have to sit through that. (I offer my services performing the song, Halloween In Heaven; Christmas In Hell.)
  8. The couple wishes no gifts from this physical plane of existence (other than Depends) and asks that donations are made in the couple’s name to Toys For Tots.
Charles Manson wedding vows. (Alternate version.)

Charles Manson wedding vows. (Alternate version.)

Likeotomy

Insulin_shock_therapy

Doctors performing likeotomy on a volunteer subject.

A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary:

likeotomy |līˈkätəmē|

noun (pl. likeotomies) [ usu. in sing. ]

usage of the “favorite” button on tweets about my lobotomy: too bad you are now unable to grok the likeotomy I gave you.

A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary.

I’m pretty much a collector of likes. Feel free to share one of your own. I always appreciate them. I think.

[I] want to say thank you to you. I haven’t had an orthodox career and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it. And I can’t deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me! Thank you.
–Sally Fields, March 25, 1985

Sally Field about to bludgeon who failed to favorite a tweet.

Sally Field about to bludgeon a cretin who failed to favorite her tweet.

Thank you, Ms. Fields. That’s exactly how I feel each and every time one of my tweets gets a star on the Twitter Walk of Shame. I’ve personally counted more visits by Halley’s Comet, though.

It works like this: You see a tweet you like (or some other masturbatory form of social media expression) and you like it. So you click the little icon that means favorite, like, upvote, star and/or what not. What’s so hard to understand about that?!

It turns out that “like” is sometimes the wrong tone.

“My father molested me every single day until I was eight years old.”

Do you think, somehow, that “like” seems misplaced here?

Continue reading →

Societal death spasms

deathNeighbor kills neighbor. Don’t worry, though. They will pay for what they’ve done. Especially if they hate the inconvenience of annoying paperwork, attending a couple of hearings and paying a fine. That’s more than sufficient punishment for killing a fellow human being, right?

What is a society? My definition is a system where people make decisions that impact the safety of others. More and more it seems like that’s the only definition that matters.
Continue reading →

Who’s Sheetin’ Who?!

wharrgarblLet’s Do It Kroc-Style: Boom Like That!

History is written by the victors.
–Winston S. Churchill

I have this personal pet theory. It goes a little something like this:

What do I mean by this? It’s time for a tale of hungry dogs, drowning by garden hose, buxom secretaries, altered birth certificates and who’s car is parked next door.

Continue reading →

That’s liable to be a problem

shoutabyss:

OK, so the corporation didn’t get wiped off the map like I had hoped. Sometimes the bad people win. It was still fun to relive these events.

Originally posted on Shouts from the Abyss:

Hot damn I just love being prophetic. Check out what I wrote about the boss circa July 12, 2010. (One week ago today.)

He doesn’t pay you to run errands in your own vehicle after work, either. Like when he demands that packages be dropped at the post office. He doesn’t offer to cover mileage, either. Incidentally, this is a dumb ass thing to do on his part. If an employee got in an accident and didn’t have insurance, it’s his business that would be on the hook. But those are the kinds of pennies he loves to pinch. (Source.)

That was only a week ago and it has already happened! This scenario went down exactly as I predicted. Why I’m not paid to be a prognosticator I’ll never know!

Our newest employee is just a youngster but has already been entrusted with all sorts of responsibilities and…

View original 693 more words

Postcard From A Comet

shoutabyss:

It’s time for the reblog of the week. If only something interesting had happened recently. Oh well.

Originally posted on ...things I LOVE!:

Wish You Were Here? :)

First_comet_panoramic

Just cruising along at 84,000 miles per hour: The European Space Agency’s Philae lander, who on yesterday hitched one hell of a ride on Comet 67P, has returned the first panoramic image (ever!) from the surface of a comet. The above image is unprocessed, was captured by Philae’s CIVA-P imaging system, and shows a 360º view around the lander’s point of final touchdown. The three feet of Philae’s landing gear can be seen in some of the frames.

Comet_panoramic_lander_orientation

Here’s the same view on which a sketch of the Philae lander has been superimposed in order to illustrate the configuration the lander team currently believe it is in. Image Credit: ESA/Rosetta/Philae/CIVA

Confirmation of Philae’s touchdown on the surface of Comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko arrived on Earth at 16.03 GMT/17.03 CET on November 12.

View original

Guru Comic: Good Business

guru-slippery

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,166 other followers