Tag Archives: ethics

Stark Market

This is what my home office looks like. That's my stunt double.

This is my home office. That’s my stunt double.

If you came here expecting to learn about Winterfell please hold still while my dire wolves rip out your throat. For the rest of us, it’s time to explore the heady world of the stock market and high finance. BYOC. (Bring Your Own Cocaine.)

After yesterday’s false cheer I feel so dirty. It’s time to come clean. I’m gonna tell you how the shit works. All of it.

Disclaimer: I’m not big on introspection. I have never taken stock. I’m just a humble social scientist. These are my findings.

Allow me to introduce GUNT. That stands for Grand Unified Negativity Theory. GUNT is my life’s work. It’s a model that attempts to explain the sum total of human behavior.

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Dear Guru: Offended

dearguru

Dear Guru,

I feel offended.

Signed,
Offended

That’s not much of a question but I’ll take what I can get. -Ed.
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Dear Guru: The Gift of Stolen Moments

dearguru

Welcome to a new semi-regular feature here in the sludge mines. I’m calling it “Dear Guru.” This is where you get to ask me, the self-proclaimed Guru of Negativity, advice questions and I respond by insulting you and/or your intelligence. Why would anyone sign up for this kind of treatment? Perhaps that should be your first question. The questions are flooding in so get on yours quickly if you want some attention. I imagine this column will repeat about every five years or so depending on how many questions are received. Now on to our first victims. -Ed.

Q.
Hey, hey, guru. I want to marry you.

A.
Fool! That wasn’t phrased in the form of a question!

A prawn is like five or six shrimp!

A prawn is like five or six shrimp!

Q.
Dear Guru,

I have a dilemma I hope you can help me with. I have a best friend of 40+ years. This friend gives me gifts for birthdays and holidays. I know for a fact that this friend has shoplifted these gifts as this friend confessed to me several years ago. I do not feel right accepting these gifts. Even with her shortcomings she is very dear to me and I don’t want to hurt her. What should I do?

Signed,
Fanny from Fort Fear
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The Ingrate Pignorate

contractThis was intended to be one of those oh so clever moments. I pumped the word “sales” into my thesaurus and was going to clutch in my dirty little fingers veritable proof that “sales” was synonymous with words like deceit, lie, fraud and what not.

Dammit. This thesaurus is defective. I never should have listened to that salesperson who told me it was unabridged.

One time I learned an important lesson about sales. I’ve told this story before but this time I’ll try to tell it shorter and better.

I worked for a big company. They needed to modernize an entire department. The estimated cost of the project, in 1995 dollars, was $25 million. To put that into perspective, later I ended up living in a small town that considered adding a much needed new bridge across a small river at a cost of $15 million in 2004 dollars. So yeah, the project was pretty big.
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Still pining for Breaking Bad? Lucky you, it lives on — for now

shoutabyss:

Braking Bad! The best part, though, is after the 49ers put him in the game, they still lost. That’s justice NFL style.

Originally posted on Paper Treiger:

Presumably, you are aware that yesterday marked the final episode of Breaking Bad. The show first blipped onto my personal radar as one of AMC’s two flagship original programs (along with Mad Men, which I’ve been all overfor a while). Though I’ve never seen an episode, I am planning to watch the whole show some day (perhaps once it’s all up on Netflix). Remarkably, the finale has not yet been spoiled for me – and I’d like to keep it that way.

In the meantime, I couldn’t help but notice that those who have seen Breaking Bad just can’t get enough of it — to the extent that some have even found reason to make the pilgrimage out to Albuquerque. So for those of you suffering through symptoms of withdrawal in the wake of the finale, have no fear — the dream of the 90s may be…

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Mediocre Fred

mediocre-fredMediocre Fred has been mentioned from time to time on this blog, but he’s never had his own moment in the spotlight. Until now. After all, he’s very mediocre.

Without further ado, I am pleased to introduce… um, wait. What’s his name? Whew. Luckily I have voluminous notes. Oh yeah, Fred.

Fred isn’t exactly the hollowest point in the 20-round magazine. Or something like that. So who is he and why is he a close, personal friend of the blog?

Fred was raised with basic values like decency, honesty and hard work. But he wasn’t particularly gifted in any special areas. He graduated from high school, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, but he didn’t stand out academically or athletically, so no scholarships came his way. His parents were simple working folk and unable to pay his way to college.

He doesn’t lie and his word is his bond. These days that makes him a veritable freak of nature.
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Let Them Not Eat Cake

sam-sex-wedding-cake“Hey, that cakes looks delicious.”

“Thanks. Want a piece?”

“I don’t know. Has it been vetted? I only eat straight cake, motherfucker. That’s how they get you.”

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
All are precious in His sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

If you grow up, though, then you’re on your own. Jesus has got places to go and things to do. He has a very full schedule.

This post is about three bakeries (and probably more) that are in the business of making, among other things, wedding cakes, but have policies against providing their cakes to weddings for gay couples.

Those bakers have gotten their batter in a bother. Yes, the sacred art of stirring flour, sugar and eggs must be defended. No matter the cost. This is jihad.

OK, I’ll bite. This will be my attempt to leaven things up with a dash of reason. As always my two bits are the icing on the cake.

For dessert I’ll be serving delicious Bread of Shame, so bring your appetite! I’m generously offering to slice off little pats of my anger to be used as a topping. I’m currently off dairy.
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