A recent knight of pawnography

Wouldn’t you prefer a nice game of Global Thermonuclear War?

Later. Let’s play chess.

Here’s a little post for all you chess buffs out there. It’s an annotated record of an enjoyable game I recently played. Consider it a rare glimpse into the way I think. Even if you’re not a chess geek, hopefully you’ll still find this post interesting. I’ll try to dumb it down a little so most of you will hopefully be able to follow along.

Let’s play!

Tom B. Taker (white) vs. IBM’s* Pompous Purple (black)
Game One

1. e5
White starts the game and immediately threatens a clever “book” opening

Holy shit, apparently he’s read that book

2. Nf3
Here I magically “jump” other pieces to intimidate my opponent (but I was hoping to spring that surprise later)

Damn, he hasn’t pooped his pants yet

3. Nc3
Reap the whirlwind, sucker – you can’t even begin to imagine all of the L-shaped possibilities now

Crap, I’m seriously outmatched – this bastard came ready to play

White resigns

Mark my words, there will be a rematch. Revenge will be mine! We’ll see how he deals with the Abyssian Offense. That’s my own personal gambit based on body odor, although it usually works best against human opponents in very tight quarters.

* IBM stands for Itty Bitty Machines. Not affiliated with International Business Machines (IBM) Corp.

Chess diagram images were created using the Chess Diagram Generator.

5 responses

  1. First, double puns in the headline, I am very impressed. Second, I get pwnd playing Othello or even fucking checkers on a computer or iPhone; chess baffles me.. not hard considering. Third, I’ll skip the B.O. wars thanks. Now I think War Games comes on later; maybe I’ll watch again for the 383rd time.


    1. Thanks for the tweet. All I can say is, “wow.” What a special gift. 🙂

      Othello? That’s a total mind fuck! At least with chess you can pretty much see what’s going on. With Othello you are ahead the whole game, then during the last three turns, all your pieces get flipped and you lose. WTF?!

      I was actually (once upon a time) quite good at chess. That was back during the “Boredom Years.” I had no life so I was free to do things like lay in bed and watch the U.S. Open for an entire weekend. I also spent a lot of time playing chess against my Tandy game. It had something like eight skill levels. I started at level 1 and made a rule. I could only move up a level if I won two games in a row, alternating white and black pieces. If I lost any game I went down a level. I eventually got to where I could win games at level 5, which I figured was pretty damn good, but man did I waste some time on chess. 🙂

      These days five minutes of freedom is considered luxurious and I’m pretty much never bored. I miss boredom.

      Somehow I think the computer will be impervious to the Abyssian Offense. I’ll have to have something else up my sleeve. In the meantime, spectators at the B.O. match are quite welcome.

      Wargames? He used a tape recorder to break out of a cell! Awesome stuff.


  2. Chess is like maths or something. Since you said there’s a rematch, I guess that means you lost 🙂


    1. What? You didn’t enjoy every single move of that hard-fought game? You’re missing out.

      Yeah, in the end, after my position became untenable, I very reluctantly resigned. I’ll get him next time!


  3. […] Click here for an expertly annotated game I played recently. Actually, it’s very advanced stuff. Never mind. Don’t click this link. You can’t handle the link! […]


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