Divide by Zero

On the off chance the subject line doesn’t make it clear enough, this is a post about man of the hour, Rush Limbaugh. Aren’t you grateful for truth in blogging? You may now safely skip this post.

Before reading further, you might want to find out if you are a “slut” or not. Refer to this helpful flowchart.

So, where was I? Oh yeah. Rush Limbaugh. A man who is employed in the time-honored tradition of pitting Americans against each other. Why, without him, we might actually be discussing public policy like the Obama administration policy on health plans and contraception.

The other day I was writing about Rush. I went to Wikipedia to see how his occupation was described. I specifically wanted to know, is Rush really an “entertainer.” I was more than dubious about that claim. I figured the best description of his function would be “Inciteful Divider.” I didn’t hold out much hope of Wikipedia agreeing with me, though.

Wikipedia had this to say:

Occupation
Comedian, radio host, political commentator, author, television host (former)

Source: Wikipedia – Rush Limbaugh

What the holy fuck? Yoda ate my balls!

“Comedian” was the first occupation that was listed? The first??? Like it even belongs on the list!

A Conversation
Imagineered by Tom B. Taker

Hey, Smiling Bob. Remember all the good times we had listening to the Rush Limbaugh radio show?

Oh yeah. I laughed my ass off! My head literally asploded.

Well, maybe not literally.

My spidey sense was tingling. I suspected that someone was having a bit of fun with Wikipedia. Did you know that Wikipedia is the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit? It’s true. Look it up. Editing deliberately false information into Wikipedia is known as “defacement.” I suspected that had taken place.

I mean, there wasn’t anyone in the universe that actually thought Rush Limbaugh was a comedian, was there?

A portion of the Rush Limbaugh page on Wikipedia as imagineered on March 7, 2012. Click to enlarge.

Today I returned to Wikipedia and my sense of order was restored. And so was the page. His primary occupation (based on order listed) was more properly shown as “Radio host.”

Whew. That was a close one.

In other news, I noted that Southeast Missouri State University (by far my favorite corner of Missouri) was listed as his “alma mater” with the notation: “Did not graduate.”

Hmm. What does that mean, I wonder? Wikipedia to the rescue! (Again.)

In modern times, it is often any school, college, or university at which one has studied and, usually, from which one has graduated.

Source: Wikipedia – Alma mater

Wow. Who actually has the balls to brag about going to a school where they failed to graduate? I’m guessing either it’s Yoda (because he has extra) or a person with an immense ego. His mom later said regarding his two semesters and one summer at the institution, “He flunked everything.”

An interesting aside: Wikipedia says that Limbaugh was classified as “1-Y” in regards to the draft:

Registrant available for military service, but qualified only in case of war or national emergency. Usually given to registrants with medical conditions that were limiting but not disabling (examples: high blood pressure, mild muscular or skeletal injuries or disorders, skin disorders, severe allergies, etc.). Class was discontinued in December, 1971 and its members were reclassified as 4-F.

Source: Wikipedia – Selective Service System

It turned out that Limbaugh had something known as a “pilonidal cyst.”

A pilonidal cyst is a cyst or abscess near or on the natal cleft of the buttocks that often contains hair and skin debris.

Source: Wikipedia – Pilonidal cyst

Yes, many a brave-hearted volunteer, like Rush Limbaugh, were turned away by the Army and prohibited from combat by that nasty little beastie. My only question: Who got close enough to find it?

And now you know more about excellence in broadcasting than you ever wanted know. You’re welcome!

15 responses

  1. So that Pain In the Ass had an actual ‘pain in his ass’?
    (Cracking myself up with my horrid jokes)

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    1. Heh! I guess you could say it was good he didn’t actually get drafted, otherwise he’d always be attacking from the rear. 🙂

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  2. Wait, was he turned away because he has a Pilonidal Cyst, or because he is a Pilonidal Cyst?

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    1. Hahaha! Yeah, he’s a real pain in my ass too!

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    2. Ouch. That was below the belt! (I think.)

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  3. Wow, these creepy pilonidal cysts thingies are news to me! The photo on Mr. Pilonidal Cyst’s website showed a shapely female posterior, but because a lot of hair seems to be involved I suspect it is usually the male of the species that suffers the most. Then curious creature that I am, I went to Wikipedia, which shows some graphic stuff. Oh, the horrors humans must endure! Now I will have nightmares.

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    1. I’m always here to help with nightmares. Perhaps that’s a new profession I could add to my list of accolades. If people are editing in “Comedian” for Limbaugh then maybe someone could also be bothered to add “Nightmare Inducer” to mine?

      That would be great.

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  4. Shouts, you have the best commenters. Ditto to all of the above…plus…

    Eww.

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    1. I agree with you. The commenters are what makes this blog. Nothing else. Your comments are like sweet nectar from the Gods.

      Thanks to all of you for going with me on this tromp through the lighter side. Now back to our regular grizzly…

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  5. BTW: My alma mater is San Diego State University. I drove by there once!

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    1. Sometimes, I tell people I went to Oxford University. It’s true. I took a tour of the grounds one afternoon (plus I’ve seen every episode of “Inspector Morse”!) I bought a sweatshirt! Now I’m an alumna!

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      1. Lying about college attendance/graduation is one of the big whoppers in our society. The GAO did a bit of research in 2004 and discovered 463 federal employees who had purchased “degrees” from diploma mills. And that figure under reports the problem since it is based on information the diploma mills were voluntarily willing to share.

        Ah, Oxford. I feel that would a worthy university to lie about on my resume. Maybe I should update my background again.

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      2. You know, of course, that I only make this claim when I’m wearing my Oxford sweatshirt, not on a resume 😉

        I can believe that people do a lot of resume enhancement. That’s how a lot of lies are described these days — as enhancements.

        I’ve toured Harvard University, too, but never felt compelled to claim it as my alma mater. After all, Harvard lets in just about any one, as witnessed by many of those in the top jobs of government, including many recent and current presidents, and you can see how screwed up everything is.

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  6. Around here a lot of people claim allegiance to one of two local schools. They fly flags on their vehicles (a barbaric practice) and flags on their houses. I quizzed one of the most maniacal and they admitted, under duress, that they’d never attended their chosen institution. I did not know that colleges could have fanboys.

    Resume enhancement. I like that term. Since “enhancement” has come to mean “pure evil” in these moderns times. On my resume I played it cool. I listed “ITT Technical School” and an associate degree in paralegal studies. “Para” makes anything cool.

    Like

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