Representin’ the Top-Left Bracket (TM), Wood Chipper, who ate up the competition and spit ’em back out again on the way to The Spinal Four (TM).
Path to Glory/Opponents Victimized: Quicksand, Boa Constrictor, and Killer Bees.
This sort of accident happens with wood chippers all the time. And I gotta say, better head first than feet first.
–A random Wood Chipper expert
Thirty-three people were killed in wood-chipper accidents between 1992 and 2002 in the US, according to a 2005 report by the Journal of the American Medical Association.
Honorary Sponsors: John Deere, the movie Fargo, and Stephen King.
The hero of the Bottom-Left Bracket (TM), Immurement, bustin’ out of the gate at a modest lope, like a turtle about to take down a hare.
Path to Glory/Opponents Victimized: Choking, Hit by Golf Ball, and Electrocution.
I had scarcely laid the first tier of my masonry when I discovered that the intoxication of Fortunato had in a great measure worn off. The earliest indication I had of this was a low moaning cry from the depth of the recess. It was NOT the cry of a drunken man. There was then a long and obstinate silence. I laid the second tier, and the third, and the fourth; and then I heard the furious vibrations of the chain. The noise lasted for several minutes, during which, that I might hearken to it with the more satisfaction, I ceased my labours and sat down upon the bones. When at last the clanking subsided , I resumed the trowel, and finished without interruption the fifth, the sixth, and the seventh tier. The wall was now nearly upon a level with my breast. I again paused, and holding the flambeaux over the mason-work, threw a few feeble rays upon the figure within.
–The Cask of Amontillado, Edgar Allan Poe
Honorary Sponsors: Edgar Allan Poe, Pink Floyd, and Home Depot.
That’s it. Hype time is over. It is time to do your civic doody and vote. It is your solemn task. One competitor must put up and one must shut up. One must fall and it’s a long way down.