Termination Tuesday – The Spinal Four – Week 2 – Slaughter Conference


It’s time for grizzly bone-crushing fun!

Bear Attack vs. Crushed (hoarding)

Bear Attack

Fresh from hibernation and ready to tear the competition to shreds comes Bear Attack fighting for the glory of the Top-Right Bracket (TM).

Path to Glory/Opponents Victimized: Spider Bite, Airplane Crash, and Ice Pick to the Head.

Nobody friggin’ knew that there are times when my life has been on the precipice of death!
–Timothy Treadwell

Are you not entertained?
–Ursus Maximus

Honorary Sponsors: Timothy Treadwell, Grizzly Adams, and A. A. Milne.

Crushed (hoarding)

The unsung hero of the Bottom-Right Bracket (TM), Crushed (hoarding) is here to prove the naysayers wrong, and is “collecting” a lot of victories along the way.

Path to Glory/Opponents Victimized: Disneyland Ride, Human Dartboard, and Food Poisoning.

A major obstacle to this study was identifying fires in which hoarding was a substantial contributor to fire severity or fatalities.
–Worcester Polytechnic Institute, emphasis added, no pun intended

Dogs did search the entire house. This house was so full of possessions that movement inside of the house was restricted and in some cases very difficult. Visual searching was impossible.
–Bill Cassell, former K-9 officer

While the study of 2009 identified 50 hoarding related incidents and fatalities between 1999-2009, MFB emergency operations is currently responding to a hoarding related incident approximately every 14 days.
–Pathways Through The Maze: National Hoarding and Squalor Conference 2012

Honorary Sponsors: Home Shopping Channel, television show American Pickers, and Home Depot.

Forget about the presidential goings on. It’s time to vote on something that really matters. Back your favorite and show your support. Don’t let them wither on the vine! It’s go time.

7 responses

  1. I think Crushed (Hoarding) is going to take Bear Attack.
    And store it in a tiny niche just to the left of the Burger King commemorative Star Trek glasses.
    (Right in front of the bag of used printer ink cartridges)

    Like

    1. The Burger King glasses are the bomb! The star of my collection. Right between the signed photo of Captain Kirk and my U.S.S. Enterprise telephone.

      Like

  2. I think that hoarding would be a more embarrassing way to die, but getting mauled by a bear has got to blow. Big time.

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    1. I read a story about a husband who had to move “tons” of stuff to find his dead wife and it took weeks. Even the sniffing dogs couldn’t find her. You gotta admit, that’s a stylish way to go!

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  3. Being eaten by a bear woud be painful for sure, but at least I’d know that I was sustinence for a beautiful creature. I’d prefer that than rotting in a tomb my psychosis built.

    (Been absent from these proceedings due to unforseen circumstances, but it’s good to see the battle continue. And love the pic from “Tucker and Dale Versus Evil.” Great movie!)

    Like

    1. There weren’t a lot of wood chipper photos to choose from. It was basically Fargo or Tucker and Dale. 🙂

      Like

  4. As one with increasing agoraphobic tendencies, I know first hand how rapidly the “my precious” things can grow into something better described as “my nightmare.” I’ll take what I imagine to be a quick, if extremely painful, death by Bear Attack over the suffocating death in my own by-products of Crushed (hoarding) any day!

    Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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