Termination Tuesday – The Super Bowel I

Sponsored by Preparation H.


In one corner is the heavyweight that literally chewed up and spit out the competition on the way to the Final. A competitor so fierce it came to be known as “inevitability.”

In the other corner, the Cinderella story and underdog that everyone rooted for who wasn’t even supposed to be here. Yet it’s a fan favorite that just might surprise us all.

This is it. The final showdown. The Super Bowel of Death. It’s go time.

Wood Chipper vs Crushed (Hoarding).

For this, the final, there has been a rule change. Only those persons who will (someday) also die themselves are eligible to vote. The logic here is that it takes one to know one.

Vote early and vote often because, as you know, tomorrow is not guaranteed. Can you afford to take that chance? I think not. Vote. Now. This is it. This is your last chance!

The road to glory.

This is it. *sniff* The big goodbye. The final enchilada. Deep six to the six feet under. After this we’ll never meet (or vote) ever again. Better get on it. I hate long goodbyes so.

For the last time, it is … time to vote. The competitor voted out will be asked to leave the Abyss tribal council area immediately. No redemption. No hidden immunity idols. And, thank god, no Jeff Probst. Isn’t it more glorious and beautiful this way?

Peace. Out. And may the bowels be ever in your favor!!!

17 responses

  1. it’s wood chipper time! Come on u lovely wood chipper you… Am actually really going to miss this competition…

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    1. Chopping you to bits is such sweet sorrow.

      Like

    2. Crushed (hoarding) has been, decidedly, the Cinderella story of this competition.

      Adrian! Adrian!

      Cue the music… Gonna die now…

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      1. Oh great, now I’m going to have that song stuck in my head all day.

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      2. yepp, got the rocky theme song in my head now, cheers.. 🙂

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  2. Honestly? I don’t get how “Crushed (hoarding)” made it this far. I must be missing something, unless it’s a bad way to die because it’s so pathetic and embarrassing?

    (Sorry to all you Crushed (hoarding) fans. I’m sure being crushed has a lot of merits.)

    Like

    1. Sadly, you may be right. Just like most Super Bowels, this one looks like it might be a blowout. (OMG I love that sentence.)

      San Diego Charger fans will know what I mean.

      Like

  3. “I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper…” – Marge Gunderson, Fargo

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    1. She was so hawt in that movie!!

      Like

  4. Wood chipper….
    It haunts me.

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    1. Somewhere Stephen King might be smiling. The Mangler action figures to go on sale soon.

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  5. WOOD CHIPPER BABY!!!! Because Steve Buscemi never tried to make hoarding cool.

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    1. I think the potential is there. Sadly, this contest goes out with a thud. Yet another lopsided championship game. Unless Steve Buscemi rides in with The Hoarding for the comeback of the millennium.

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  6. Though I voted wood chipper, I gave lots of thought to hoarding. I mean what’s worse bring sliced and diced or seeing your own shit fall on top of you while thinking to yourself as you slowly start to get crushed “HOLY CRAP, why did I have to save all this shi……..”

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    1. I can imagine my Star Trek figures taunting me as I try to claw my way to the Medi-Alert bracelet in vain, my legs held in place by the overwhelming weight of my dice collection.

      Yes, you can quote me on that.

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  7. WOOD CHIPPER!!! WOOD CHIPPER!!! WOOD CHIPPER!!!

    I have to say that I’ve enjoyed this series of posts way more than a healthy well-adjusted person should. Thanks. I think.

    Like

    1. Woot! My wife has been bitching about them for some time. “Oh, God,” she’d say. “Not that sick shit again!”

      Of course, some people tell me this series has been their favorite part of the blog. That’s not saying too much, though.

      I have to say the idea came in handy during these rough times of uninspiration during my quest for 1,000 days of posts in a row. Without Termination Tuesday to pull me through I might have already hanged myself by now.

      Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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