Daily Archives: April 19th, 2012

iPad my Bra

Yes, I admit it. iPad my bra. What the hell else am I supposed to do with my moobs?

Enough about that. This is supposed to be a serious post. I have to strive to meet the standard levels of excellence you’ve come to expect on this humble blog.

There. I just sneezed and put some snot on my display. That should help.

There you are. A small business owner on the go. The veritable backbone of the American Dream (TM). In your hand is your trusty Apple iPad 3rd Generation. Under florescent lighting the black surface (also available in white) shines and gleams so brightly that people around you have to wear shades. The future is bright.

You’re minding your own business (literally) and viewing some reports on the retina display. Only you can decipher the maze of spreadsheets and charts of profit and loss statements, balance sheets, and ROI on your CPC to make informed management decisions that will steer your company in the right direction.

Suddenly an alert is thrown to your display. It is accompanied by a satisfying chime sound designed to highlight your importance to minions and random passerby. Seamlessly you switch apps and learn that there is a dock worker strike in Melbourne. Just like you practiced on Fruit Ninja, it is time for decisive action.

Swipe! Shoosh! Swipe!

Your finger lovingly caresses the touch screen. Thanks to your quick action and thinking outside the box, the shipment of widgets has just been diverted to Sydney and you’ve saved millions of dollars in expense.

You find yourself interrupted by a customer and load them a portfolio of images of the Widget 3.0. They are impressed. They want it. Now. They have made a consumer decision to partake of this consumption experience. They hand over their credit card. With a flick of your wrist the iPad scans the bar code on the product. You swipe their plastic through the built-in card reader. Viola! The transaction is done.


Score another sale. The customer walks away as the iPad automatically updates your books, adjusts inventory and emails a digital copy of the receipt to the iPrinter on the customer’s hip, which prints a hard copy as the customer walks out the door.

Taking a much needed break, you reply to an email from mom. “Siri, please tell mom I love her. And I’ll be by over to see her by 7pm. Send. Reserve the shuffleboard table for us at the rest home.”

Meanwhile, Siri has some other news. It’s time for your daughter’s recital. You swipe over to Face Time and catch her performance live. Using location services your friend in the audience receives an alert on their iPhone asking them to give your daughter a hug. And you unload 5,000 shares of Microsoft stock and move them to your IRA.

Profits are up, you used your time effectively, and you’ve keep in close touch with your family. It’s all just in a day’s work for you, the American Small Business Owner, and the shiny iPad…

Or is it? Click the jump to read the rest of the story.
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