Sweetie, I Wish I Knew How To Quit You

On this pie chart I wasn’t merely the graphic designer. I did all of the calculations, too!

I just heard yesterday that “sugary drinks” are now the #1 source of calories in the American diet.

Yeah, baby! We’re #1! We’re #1! We’re #1!

Something I can graph? Excuse me while I sprint to the spreadsheets. I get to graph something!

Lately I’ve been a wagon-follow-offerer. Vegetarian? Check! Granulated sugar? Check! Coke and/or Pepsi? Check! Alcohol? Now wait just a damn minute. I never went on that wagon. Ah. I see what you did there. Well played.

For some damn strange reason I seem to get off on attempting to test my willpower. This is invariably followed by a period of extreme humiliation. Try it! It’s good fun.

I blame my mother for my lifelong love affair with sugar. Some of my earliest memories of life involve the morning bowl of breakfast cereal. Like Cheerios. And it just wasn’t a bowl of soggies unless there was a gooey thick mess of partially disolved granulated sugar remaining in the bottom of the bowl.

To this day I wonder why she deliberately went out of her way to teach me that. I mean, I was only a child. I wouldn’t have known the difference if I was served Cheerios in the raw, right? By high school she’d changed her tune. The refrigerator in the garage was stocked only with diet soda. Oh my me and my sister despised that stuff. Saccharin is so delicious. Sometimes, though, we’d be forced against to drink it against our will out of sheer thirsty necessity. What a mother!

But it was too little too late. By that time my cravings were solidly cemented. Sugar and meat. The things affluent Americans crave. A process being repeated around the world as other countries experience a growing middle class of their own. (Growing. Heh. I made a waistline pun.)

When it comes to sugary drinks my advice is simple: Just Spew It.

By the way, 128-ounces is the same as a U.S. gallon. GALLON! 7-Eleven isn’t fooling anyone by putting the word “Team” in the name.

6 responses

  1. Over the last 3 years I have “quit” pop about 4 times. It lasts about 1-3 months. During, I will say, “well how about just one can a week, that’ll be a nice treat”. One week later, I am back to averaging one can a day. It’s a fun cycle.

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    1. During my life I’ve quit probably 10 times. I suck at quitting pop. You’re so right about the cycle of addiction! One taste and POW. That’s it.

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  2. I was a Captain Crunch girl. The Captain hasn’t passed my lips in many years but this post has encouraged me to wave the Captain back on board.

    Ahoy, matey! Let’s go scupper.

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    1. Yikes. Captain Crunch is a sugary cereal. At least with Cheerios you have to add it on your own. That takes effort and that means you’re burning more calories! 🙂

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  3. Strangely enough, my mom was okay with us putting sugar on “healthier” cereals — like raisin bran or cheerios. Though never on our Lucky Charms.

    I quit soda the old fashioned way — went from Coke to Diet Coke, to Caffeine-Free Diet Coke to Why The Hell Am I Drinking Any of This Crap? Never looked back.

    Having worked in diabetes research and development, I think that these things are at the top of the Crappy Things Americans Ingest mountain. They should come with the same sorts of labels that cigarettes do. I’ve posted about it from time to time (http://stevebetz.wordpress.com/2010/10/28/pop-politics/). I have a cousin-in-law (if you count such things) who lives in Atlanta and works for Coca-Cola. She always decries — BUT OTHER THINGS ARE BAD TOO!!! Which while true, doesn’t exonerate the all-calorie, no-nutrition disaster that are sodas.

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    1. You’re right. There are decidedly two types of breakfast cereals. I think of them as Pre-Sweetened and Other.

      Your way is, of course, the correct route to quitting. I can’t handle “diet” drinks so I’m forced to go cold turkey. That’s how I fail.

      Soda should be known by it’s more scientific name: Liquid Candy.

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Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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