Quantum of Grimace: Abyss 2012 Christmas Gift Guide

Rare Abyss Christmas CDBack after a one-year hiatus it’s the Shouts From The Abyss 2012 Christmas Gift Giving Guide! I know you’ve all been waiting with baited breath to see what’s at the top of my list so let’s dive right in. Is that okay with you, Sugarplum?

I promise it’ll be more fun than a black hole.

You’re about to have a super-sized collision with fun!

Home Quantum Singularity Learning Lab Kit

Available in four sizes:

  • Honey I Shrunk My Privates
  • Invert My Room
  • It’s a Beautiful Time-Distorted Day in the Neighborhood
  • We’ll Blow Your Planet Up

Protons and 1.21 gigawatt power source not included. Made in China.

Adult supervision recommended unless something interesting is going on with your net-powered handheld electronic device. The universe can wait.

Excerpt from the Instruction Manual:

Matter and energy one same. And so you! Want know feels? Make you own localized disturbance go space-time continuum for jump right in.

Note: Return trip no guarantee.

I’ll see you on the other side and/or send me a postcard! Captain Proton to the Universe. Out. Ho ho ho.

3 responses

  1. This sounds like the perfect gift. Can’t wait for the infomercial.

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    1. If the kit really works then we’ll be able to have Billy Mays around again. I think he’d be awesome for pitching this product. Of course the cocaine budget might make the project unworkable.

      Like

  2. Thanks for the post….I enjoy it!

    Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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