These laws are truths I hold to be self-evident. (Not Polident or Efferdent. These laws have no teeth.)
Note: Due to computer error some of the laws may have been numbered incorrectly.
For those with OCD: This is not a complete record of all of the legal volumes. There are many, many, many more. Sadly the laws were unwisely scattered across both WordPress and Twitter and the complete record may never be possible without a team of technological archeologists. If you see a fellow in leather jacket, fedora and wielding a whip in one hand and stroking a Microsoft Surface fondletop in the other please send him my way poste waste.
Without further ado the incomplete record of Tom’s Laws.
Tom’s Law #42: ‘Always taste your soft drink before leaving the drive-thru.’ Obey. It’s not just a good idea – it’s the law!
Tom’s Law #42: Before sitting on the work toilet, check out the TP situation. You don’t want to make that LONG walk through the office. #tp
Tom’s Law #42: We always feel like we know exactly what we’re doing when we put that drink next to our computer. @Grrrstin #fail
Tom’s Law #42: Approx. 101% of all pain and evil in the world is directly and/or indirectly related to men seeking to satisfy their penises.
Tom’s Law #42: Every new operating system release requires 20% more computing power than what you’ve got just to maintain ‘sluggish.’ #cpu
Tom’s Law #42: Blood is thicker than water. If you voluntarily married into that situation then STHU.
Tom’s Law #42: Bosses love phones. Employees hate them.
Tom’s Law #42: Most persons only experience a couple of genuine attitude adjustments during their lifetimes. Maybe three if they are gifted.
Tom’s Law #42: The more money you have, the greater the odds your face will come to resemble the surface of the moon. http://t.co/RlihyJcM
Tom’s Law #42: Never believe anyone selling you anything. It is all lies. @mybigblondelife
Tom’s Law #42: The more time you invest in an automated phone system the higher the likelihood it will hang up on you. @bats0711
Tom’s Law #42: If something happens, the probability of it happening was 100%. Ex: ‘That’s odd. Fluffy never bit anyone’s face off before.’
Tom’s Law #42: To find out who cheated and lied about doping, look at the winner of the ‘sporting’ competition. @Wolfrum #LanceArmstrong
Tom’s Law #42: The smaller the brain the more powerful the attraction of the car alarm.
Tom’s Law #42: Five percent of all respondents will lie to pollsters.
Tom’s Law #42: If you want to live don’t do shit that will kill you.
Tom’s Law #42: The more complicated the subject the easier (and more irresistible) it is for humans to lie.