Is there a crazy character on your Christmas list with that far, far away look in their eye who’s a few life lessons short of guru attainment? I, your humble guru, did, and so can you. And so can they.
I owe it all to the compendium of tome that forever changed my life. It’s a book that irrevocably set galactic-sized wheels in motion, albeit a long, long time ago.
“You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done.”
–Owen Lars, Moisture Farmer
I’m talking about, of course, Hell To Pay, a hearty collection of witticisms and musings about the great mysteries of life by our galaxy’s most famous moisture farmer, Owen Laws. You may know him better as the uncle to the master of midichlorians himself, Luke Skywalker.
Lars was a man of many talents, including singer/songwriter. He wrote the galaxy’s first country and western song, She’s Thinks My Moisture Evaporator Speaks Bocce long, long before country was cool. But growing up on a desert planet in the Outer Rim Territories wasn’t an easy life. Lars took to that life like a pig in shit and learned a few things along the way.
When the heat of the suns becomes too great, you stop to wipe your brow with your enormously long sleeve, and you think about throwing in the towel (never leave your planet without it) I hope you’ll find the time to refer to this wonderful work. I often do and find it to be quite the inspiration.
“A tour de Force.” — The Coruscant Times
“Lars proves he is a Force to be reckoned with.” — Galactic Core Daily
“George Lucas could learn a thing or two from this guy!” — Disney Insider
“It’s like a supernova in your face.” — Stephen Hawking
“Well, he’d better have those units in the South Ridge repaired by midday, or there’ll be hell to pay.”
Analysis: Don’t we all have our own “South Ridge” demons to face? With disarming wit and charm, Lars leads by example for a generation of slacker millennials (midichlorians not withstanding) thirsty for his knowledge gained through hard living at its best that the true pursuit of labor is, indeed, it’s own reward. The good life, the proverbial “wasting of time” is what comes later.
“That wizard is just a crazy old man.”
Analysis: Perhaps more than anyone else, Lars is keenly aware of the dangers of overly embracing strict religious dogma. By warning against demagogues and charismatic fools who entice others to follow them, Lars shows that there is another path. The path of individuality. As long as the chores are already done.
“I have no need for a protocol droid.”
Analysis: Working on a moisture farm Lars developed an appreciation for getting things done. There was no time for niceties like manner and etiquette. Get about the business of survival.
“I had a feeling you might show up someday.”
Analysis: A fatalist to the bitter end, Lars came to know and accept his eventual ending on that Tatooine plateau. Here, in his own way, he thoughtful tries to share the certainty that our time will come, too. Ever thoughtful, he’s just trying to break our fall.
Hurry. Supplies are limited. Order your copy today while supplies last. Act fast and we’ll throw in flame-retardant pajamas. Uncle Owen would have wanted it that way.