A Very Penis Christmas

merry-penismasAdvisory: This post contains the werd “penis.” We suggest you keep this out of your inbox.

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And I know it sounds corny
But famous white celebrities
And Tiger! – were feeling quite horny

The web cams were pointed
At their crotches with care
In the hopes that barely legal faces
Would soon be down there

On Twitter! On Facebook!
Just look at it glisten!
On Pinterest! On Instagram!
To the cock you should listen.

Accept this request O’
Please be there friend
Then on a fiendish Private
Message they will click SEND

christmas-spiritPerhaps on the bed
Or just out of the shower
This isn’t about sex or you
It’s all about their power

A mistletoe belt buckle
Accentuated the ensemble
Their bait and tackle
All primed and assembled

More festive and ready to eat
Than a Christmas yule log
The men were pumped up
And about as evolved as a dog

Trying to check my gag reflex
It really shouldn’t matter
But oops I looked back just
In time for their splatter

Their junk aglow like defective whistles
Their things stuck out in plain sight
Like two potatoes and a tough piece of gristle
Merry, bitch, ass! It leans to the right!

Feel free to rewrite or add verses as you feel appropriate. I’m too busy being overcome by the Christmas spirit. This shit is hard! Whaaaaa.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKao_3x2Fmo]

15 responses

  1. Rather wanted a merry titty xmas but I guess this will do fine as well 🙂

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    1. It’s all on my Greatest Snits album. Makes a perfect stocking stuffer!

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  2. The media did gather,
    their brows all a-glisten.
    They’d hawk their sad stories
    to all who would listen.

    On Huffpost, on Drudge
    On Limbaugh and Riley
    Fox News has a graphic
    of a dick with a smiley!

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    1. OMG! You’re all nuts! Hahahaha! too funny. Was that dick with a smiley, Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly? And goodness, Tom… a poet too? A-friggin’-amazing! Thanks for the giggles….Uhm, but next time, I’m with Rince, a titty or booby Xmas would be nice.

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      1. For some reason boobies never crossed my mind. I guess I was keeping my eye on the prize. I really shouldn’t be so fixated.

        Merry Christmas!

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      2. Ha! Merry Merry Christmas! 🙂

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      3. Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, Carmen!

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    2. This just in…

      Those are much better lyrics than I’m capable of. Nicely done. Thanks for making this post grow even further! That’s using your head.

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  3. That was hilarious! Merry f’ing Christmas!

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  4. PS, somehow I doubt this one will make Freshly Pressed.

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    1. They’ve been asked been asking but I said no. Give ’em an inch and they’ll take a mile.

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  5. Because I am so discreet (some say prudish) I waited a day to comment here. Another solid performance by you!

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    1. When I get access to my computer again (family!) I’ll have some follow up on this. Some photographs I took just for you.

      Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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