Sorry. Not writing a post today, I am. Vacation on am I.
I better hurry up, though. I gotta be at work in a few minutes.
Does your employer offer paid vacation? No law requires employers to give their workers paid vacation days, but most companies do pay for some vacation days: More than 90% of all full-time employees in private industry receive paid vacation, according to 2011 figures from the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Wow. More than 90% of full-time employees have vacation time in this country. And, according to the BLS, that factoid only considers private industry, and they should know! As a government agency I’m sure they’ve got vacations squirting out of their privates. If you factor in governmental employees I’m sure that percentage grows to something about the size of the Death Star.
The beauty of a having a boss that feels vacations are superfluous for full-time employees is that they can never control your mind. I’ll take a mental vacation any goddamned time that I please.
By the way? Are you hiring? Be sure to ask for a copy of my resumé. Yes, you too can harness the power of guru and have it supporting your various nefarious schemes. To guru you listen. Harness power, you can.
Never one to be undaunted, I decided to intrepidly roll up my sleeves and see if I could make the power of maths help me with lack of vacations. You’ll be startled at the results I penciled out.
Full-time. That means you’re a chump who spends approx. five-sevenths of your life at work. I’ll understand if you want to take a moment to go kill yourself.
Back now? Okay, let’s continue.
Five days a week. 52 weeks a year. Let’s be gracious and say that even without paid vacation days you still somehow manage to take 10 days off. That’s still 50 fun-filled weeks of ass sucking.
5 days X 50 weeks = 250 days.
Assuming a 40-hour work week (fuck you France!) a one week vacation is equivalent to 2,400 minutes.
You don’t have to possess a Ph.D. to do the math, but just in case, I’ll go ahead and solve the rest of this story problem on your behalf.
2,400 minutes / 250 days = 9.6 minutes per day.
Yup! You got it. Working full time and not having a paid vacation is the same as your boss saying, “You are not worth a benefit equal to 9.6 minutes per day.” And that’s only 10 percent of the time he spends daily with his ass glued to the can.
I am the less than 10 percent that isn’t worth the 9.6!
–Tom B. Taker
The boss recently reamed me because I didn’t always log a full 40 hours every week. He wants his full-time, goddamn it. And yet, other than an hour’s worth of pay for an hour’s worth of work, I don’t get a single benefit for being full-time. Not even a company discount on his poop.
When you look at it that way it’s way worse and more insulting than even I ever possibly imagined. If you’re in the same boat as me I pity you. Just try to stay on your side of the boat because I’m sure neither of us is sanitary.