Baked Valaska

baked-valaska

Head Chef

Today we feature a traditional dessert from the Abyss Recipe Cookbook that you’re bound to enjoy time and time again unless you try it on yourself.

The valaska is a long thin light axe used in past centuries by shepherds in the Carpathian Mountains, especially in Slovakia, Czech Republic, Poland, Ukraine and Hungary. The features of a valaska combine a tool with a walking stick, that could be used as a light weapon. It has symbolic historical and cultural connotations and is still used as a prop in many traditional dances, for example the odzemok.

Note: For this recipe a valaska with an ovenproof handle is a must.

You can find valaska in any quality Czech hardware/weapons store. If not available in your area, a hatchet may be used instead. The results will be similar.

Akutaq (aka Eskimo Ice Cream) is traditionally made with animal fat but you can make your own using Crisco as a modern substitute. Reindeer tallow, if you can get it, is highly recommended.

Baked Valaska

Ingredients:

  • 1 valaska (see note), traditionally a little over 1 metre in length
  • 4.2 pounds of akutaq (may be substituted with gelato, frozen yogurt, or ice cream)

Directions:

Serving suggestion.

Serving suggestion.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. This temperature is necessary for a cooking process known as searing.

Place the valaska in the preheated oven for about 20 minutes or until an angry crimson glow can been seen. If the valaska won’t fit, it is permissible to place the valaska with the head-piece inside and the handle sticking out. Adjust cooking time as necessary.

While baking, prep the akutaq by placing it in a large metal bowl.

When the valaska is ready, carefully remove from oven (it will be hot). Dip the head-piece into the bowl of akutaq ensuring a full equal coating. The combination of heat and cold will sear the akutaq creating a fond.

Garnish with fresh slices of human head.

Variations:

  • Add eight (8) pieces of crisped bacon, crumbled, during akutaq prep
  • Aim for the kneecaps
  • Vegetarians: Replace akutaq with a pine nut pesto

Bon appétit!

From Grandma’s Kitchen: “Baked Valaska doesn’t kill people. People do! En garde!

3 responses

  1. I suspect if the valaska slips, you get a whole other kind of “ice cream headache.”

    Like

    1. Awesome! Tom will be soso jealous that he didn’t think of that.

      Like

    2. Congratulations! You get to go to the head of the class.

      Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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