The Tom B. Taker Cook Book

stir-fry-cookbookThe Pioneer Woman Blog and Shouts From The Abyss are the same. Both are blogs. She posts pictures. I post pictures. She posts stories. I post stories. She posts recipes. I post recipes.

See? Exactly the same.

“But hey, Tom! She has readers.”

Well played, voice in my head. Well played. I can’t wait to get my hands on you. You are gonna die.

I’ve posted recipes in the past. I won’t bother linking them, though. I don’t remember what they were and besides, copy and paste is too much damn work. And I’m tired from writing an entire cook book.

Sometimes my wife cooks. Sometimes I cook. And that gave me an idea. I should lock my knowledge away in a tome.

Viola! Knowledge is served.

My wife has her ways and I have mine. For example, when my wife cooks, she’s a blinding frenzy and, when done, there are several items on the plate. Several!

Like last night. She served a delicious piece of salmon. And a side of garlic fried rice. And a cucumber salad.

That means she cooked three things! That’s like three damn meals.

Talk about overkill.

When I cook it’s a little different. The first problem is coming up with an idea. This is a major obstacle for me. But lets say I overcome and know what to do. Perhaps homemade mac and cheese. Excellent. I like the recipe in my Fannie Farmer cookbook.

I shop. I plan. I execute. Finally, dinner is served. Here’s a plate with a scoop of homemade mac and cheese.

That’s why my wife usually says something pithy like, “That’s it?”

She really knows how to grill me.

“Where’s a side? How about a vegetable? You can’t serve a one-course dinner!”

Luckily I’m the one holding the cleaver.

Since I have to cook a few times a year, this was clearly a problem. So I put some serious thought into coming up with a solution. It’s hard to think of dinner ideas and actually cooking them is even more of a pain in the ass.

I remembered the good times with my favorite cookbook of all time: A Man, A Can, A Grill. There was something about that particular cookbook that appealed to me. That book featured simple and easy recipes.

That’s when it hit me. Simplicity. Beautiful simplicity. Take it to a whole new level. I got to work and pounded out the One Ingredient Stir Fry Cook Book – and in a single session if you can believe it.

It doesn't get more delicious than this.

It doesn’t get more delicious than this.

Here’s a free excerpt to whet your whistle:

Pea Stir Fry

Ingredients:

Peas

Instructions:

1. Stir Fry.

If you buy the cook book you’ll find many more time-saving and delicious recipes including:

  • Beef Stir Fry
  • Chicken Stir Fry
  • Pork Stir Fry
  • Tofu Stir Fry
  • Carrot Stir Fry
  • Onion Stir Fry (a personal favorite)
  • Broccoli Stir Fry
  • Water Chestnut Stir Fry
  • Bean Sprout Stir Fry
  • Fish Eye Stir Fry
  • Honey Stir Fry
  • Molasses Stir Fry
  • Liver and Onions Stir Fry
  • Apple Stir Fry
  • Caramel Stir Fry
  • Coffee Stir Fry
  • Karob Stir Fry
  • Marshmallow Stir Fry

I know my demographics and that’s why I wrote this book. But I also know that none of my people will ever have enough energy to actually buy and/or read it. That’s the way it works with one-ingredient cooks.

Curses. Doomed again.

8 responses

  1. At least she cooks for you! You should be very grateful! And you need a cookbook to make mac and cheese? (I have Fannie’s book, I’ll have to look that one up-but then again, I have my own recipe in my head). Try “Kraft Macaroni and Cheese”. Boil water, add macaroni, cook, drain, add milk and/or butter. Add that yellow powder stuff. Stir. The end. Better yet, just let her do the cooking. You might hurt yourself with that cleaver.

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    1. Oh I am grateful. Especially because every time she cooks she uses every pot, pan and dish in the house and I’m the dishwasher. A totally clean kitchen is transformed into something the president has to tour in a helicopter. That’s the unexciting bit that TV shows like Iron Chef and Top Chef leave out.

      Kraft? Er. Yeah. About that. It’s make by a tobacco company. I’ll stick with homemade and Fannie Farmer. It’s not that much work. 🙂

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  2. Oh my goodness. I’m so giggly right now it’s embarrassing.

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    1. I’ll send you a free copy signed by the author. Don’t worry, I won’t sign it in blood. That’s spaghetti sauce. 🙂

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  3. Hi! Ryoko sent me, and I’m so glad she did. You’re a cook after my own heart, as my signature dishes include Tuna Dump, Bag O’ Lettuce Salad and Olive Sandwiches (ingredients: bread, olives). I can’t wait to try Pea Stir Fry! Not sure how many peas to use, but I’m hoping the details are in your incredible cookbook.

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    1. Welcome food connoisseur. Tuna dump sounds delightful. Bag O’ Lettuce and Olive Sandwiches sound perfect for the next cookbook I’m already working on: Ice and other World Famous Recipes.

      And, to keep things easier to read, my cookbooks never include measurements, so feel free to be adventurous.

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    2. Ah. The creator of the Fallopians Audio-Video Odyssey I assume. I loved that. So pleased to meet a fellow author. Good stuff. 🙂

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  4. All I have to say it….WHAT IN THEE HELL???? Seriously dude. You cook like 3 times per year tops.

    This is Tom’s idea of cooking. Find recipe. Go to store and buy EVERY ingredient for the recipe even though most likely most of the ingredients are already in the house. You can’t imagine how many bottles of soy sauce, bags of rice, triplicates of spices, etc. we have.

    Once groceries are bought, Fret and fuss and make a huge ordeal, bitch and moan. Ask for help, such as “Wife, what does it mean when the recipe says “boil water”. UGH!

    The first meal Tom made for me (about our 5th date) was chicken breast baked in bbq sauce served on a plate with a chilled bottle of red wine. The second time was bbq’d tri tip. Served on a plate. I bought the wine…un-chilled. His cookbook is not an exaggeration.

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