Hanging Out My Shingles

essay-philosophyshopNow that I’m a successful small business owner (one day and counting) and a veritable piece of Americana, my mind has turned to other business opportunities. Where else can I spread?

My idea is a retail location known as The Nothing Goes Store. The sign on the front door says it all:

  • No electronic devices of any kind permitted on these premises
  • No wifi offered
  • No headphones allowed
  • No customers
  • No soliciting
  • No products
  • No music
  • No talking
  • $20 cover charge
  • No outside food or beverages
  • No eye contact
  • No touching
  • No nudity
  • No clothing
  • No guns
  • No addictions

That’s about it. Come in and have a seat. You won’t be served in the order of arrival. Charter memberships are still not available. No ground floor opportunities are available. Past performance may not be indicative of future results. Therefore, no current or prospective client should assume that the future performance of any specific nothingness (including the advise dispensed by the guru), will be profitable or equal to past performance levels.

4 responses

  1. You forgot one-

    No Bathroom.

    That way you don’t ever have to sit next to one at work- ever again.

    Like

    1. Brilliant. Genius. A quantum leap. Game changer. How did I forget that?

      My new office is 15 feet from the toilet. The world has changed.

      Like

  2. I’d buy THAT for a dollar!

    Like

    1. We don’t have cash registers. No change.

      Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: