Roll them Scrapples

scrapsMy day job is negativist. In my spare time I try to earn some scrillas for survival. After that, the bulk of the remainder of my time is spent philosophizing and inventing. And pondering the ways of love. And packing lots and lots of boxes.

What I’m saying is I invented a new gambling game and I’m giving it to the world for free. In that way I’m just like the fellow that found the cure to polio and didn’t try to exploit it for big bucks.

Yeah, we need more gambling, so I hope this catches on.

Like most of my inventions, necessity turned out to be one fantastic mother. And, like most of our most harrowing tales, it all started one Christmas not too many years ago…

The family was making the three hour trek over the river and through the hills to our uncle’s house for Christmas. Even though I was driving the car and desperately did not want to stop (we were making good time) I was somehow overruled and we pulled into a country convenience store because it was a place the gerbil liked.

It was lunch time and I had to settle for a sandwich made by a convenience store. Yumm-no. At the time, I did not know what else transpired within that little shop of horrors.

Later, came Christmas day. As an alleged adult I know not to expect much. And I was not disappointed. My single gift was a pair of dice. Two dice. As Mr. Data might say, they were “cubical.” Six-sided. One was red. One was blue.

I recently got reunited with these babies during the act of packing our house for the big move. The cats had safely stored them away behind a cabinet.

Welcome home!

As a well known lover of dice, it was a logical gift. I own all kinds of dice and may have mentioned dice on the blog a time or two. There’s dice from Las Vegas casinos, Dragon Dice, Star Trek dice, Dungeons and Dragons dice, backpacking dice, train dice, slots dice, poker dice, yahtzee dice, and bowling dice. Most of them are six-sided but there are also dice with faces numbering four, eight, 10, 12, and 20. I think the only thing missing is Bunco and I won’t dirty myself on that.

So, what to do with my precious dice? This is when I got inventive. Introducing the gambling game of Scraps.

Scraps fun fact: Scraps is a variant of the casino game craps. It’s name is derived from the letter S and the word craps. “S” + “craps” = Scraps. The “S” can stand for Shitty or Simple.

Ex: Hey, assholes! Meet me in the alley for a game of Shitty Craps!

Official Rules

Equipment:

Dice. Quantity: Two. Shall be six-sided. All faces of the die shall be perfect squares. All faces shall be the same size. The faces shall be numbered, inclusively, one through six. The dice shall have identical centers of gravity and be manufactured in such a manner that all faces have equal probability of appearing when the dice is tossed onto a surface. The dice shall be different colors. Ex: Red and blue.

The play:

Each turn consists of both dice being tossed onto a flat surface. Both dice shall make contact with at least one additional surface, such as a wall or a drunk person, before coming to rest on the flat surface. The act of tossing the dice is known as the roll.

Each roll has it’s own round of betting. There are no outcomes that require more than one roll.

The bets:

There are three possible bets.

Red: The player wagers that the number shown on the red dice will be higher in value than the number shown on the blue dice. Pays 1:1. In the event of doubles (also known as scraps) the house wins.

Blue: The player wagers that the number shown on the blue dice will be higher in value than the number shown on the red dice. Pays 1:1. In the event of doubles (also known as scraps) the house wins.

Scraps: The player wagers that the dice will show the same number. Also known as doubles. Pays 5:1.

That’s it. Simple, eh? For those who find craps too confusing there’s now a way for me to take your money, too.

Scraps fun fact: It is customary in most casinos to yell “Scrapple!” or “Hey, Scrapples!” or “C’mon Scrapples!” while tossing the dice.

I’ll be appearing at The Dice Emporium on Random Way on June 31st to conduct classes on Scraps. Bring your own dice if you want them signed.

P.S. If you think any of this post sounds stupid try getting a pair of six-sided dice as a Christmas present sometime. Go ahead, say something about. And I most certainly will roll your bones.

9 responses

  1. If I was a betting person, I’d take odds against the Scraple Fruit Company endorsing your new game.

    And then I had another thought…what if the game was played with lice instead of dice! Surely someone somewhere would make book on that. You are welcome.

    Like

    1. I don’t drink Scrapple but they are welcome to send me a free case if they’d like a friendly Shouts From The Abyss: Your Product Sucks Review ™.

      So far, strangely, there have been no takers. Idiots.

      Like

  2. I meant to write Snaple but then the comment would not have made any sense. I blame the wine.

    Like

    1. Please give the winemakers my address. I’ll be happy to review a case of their product, too.

      Nothing on this post makes sense, so you did good. Move along, move along. Nothing to see here.

      Like

      1. So your streak still stands then. Good to know.

        Like

  3. I’d play that. Two moving parts, three possible moves for a player. Just my speed.

    Like

    1. Less counting than real gambling dice games!

      Like

  4. Your odds are as good as the Indian Casino down the road! YEE-HAW!!

    Have you ever had actual scrapple? It’s the sort of food that brings you to mind.

    Like

    1. Alas, Miss Fannie Farmer didn’t include Scrapple in the first edition of her cookbook.

      Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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