Sneaky Snarky Tweet

Boys and girls take warning, if you go near the tweet
Don’t follow too many, your timeline will overheat
Now maybe they won’t see you, maybe they won’t hark
When you sneak up behind them, while laughing at your snark

Today I give out my patented top secret technique for managing your Twitter account. Just the other day I gave away my patented Tort Reform Quiz for Dummies absolutely free. Now here I go again, giving away the store. For free!

My patents are flying out the door. I think I must be patently insane. It’s all part of my gift to you, the loyal reader.

Have you ever followed anyone on Twitter only to be irritated by how they keep on tweeting additional shit? So annoying! Like they actually believe someone gives a shit? I know!

Sure, you could unfollow them but that’s the coward’s way out. If only there was some other way?

Now there is! Read on to learn my secret technique. Shhhhhh! This is only between you and me. Don’t tell anyone.

Disclaimer: This technique is for use with the web-based desktop version of the Twitter.com website. Wow, what a mouthful. It might work elsewhere but that has not been tested. Your platforms and apps may vary. I do not guarantee that this will work with your web-enabled automobile, television set or four-slice toaster.

Step 1: On the Twitter menu bar click “Me” and then, on the left menu, “Lists.”

Step 2: The page displayed should show your lists. Click the “Create list” button.

Step 3: Give the list a name. I call mine, “InnerCircle.”

Step 4: Important! Make sure the “Private” radio button is selected.

Step 5: Save the list.

Step 6: Systematically go through the people you follow. Find the people you give a shit about. Important! Ignore everyone else.

Step 7: Next to the name of someone worthy find and click the head-silhouette-icon with the little black triangle pointing down.

Step 8: Select “Add or remove from lists…” in the menu that pops up.

Step 9: Check the box for the list named “InnerCircle” (or whatever you named your list in Step 3).

Step 10: Repeat Steps 7 through 9 as needed.

Congratulations! You now have a list containing only the people you want to read. If done properly this should be about one percent of the people you follow. For example, I currently follow 712 accounts (mostly bots). So my Inner Circle list contains exactly 7.12 accounts. Brilliant, right?

To take the list out for a spin, simply click “Me” and then “Lists” and then “InnerCircle.”

Viola! You are now looking at a Twitter timeline containing tweets from your primetime peeps.

Bonus: So-called “sponsored tweets” are not visible in this timeline view. Hella! Take that, Twitter! Hee, hee, hee.

Caveat: You won’t see “retweets” in this view because the accounts being retweeted aren’t on your list.

Sneak: You can also use this list to read tweets from someone without actually following them. This is handy for NSA surveillance, etc. No one has to know except you. Ha ha ha!

Snark: People will think you are reading their tweets because you follow them, so they’ll be less likely to commit the revenge unfollow at you. Meanwhile, you won’t have to look at their tweets.

Truly a Twitter win-win!

11 responses

  1. Under what alias can I find you on tweeter good sir?

    Like

    1. Zoinks! That would be pertinent information on a post like this, wouldn’t it? D’oh!

      @shoutabyss

      <- There's also a "Follow @shoutabyss" button you can click over on the left column somewhere.

      If you follow me, be sure to tell me "Go to Hell!" so I'll know it's you.

      Like

      1. On closer inspection I see the follow button directly to the left of my comment. I rushed into commenting, I apologise. I saw an opportunity to use ‘alias’ and the hilarious ‘tweeter’ in a comment and got over excited.

        After a post like the above, I thought you might even be wary of who you offer to follow you and message you on twitter. Rest assured in in the right place. Your posts are good so you’ll have loyal and appreciative fans but your posts aren’t THAT good as to have a fanatical following and nothing but naked pictures of me with my dog with your face photoshopped upon the dog’s thigh filling your inbox. It’s the perfect place to be, the golden middle.

        Do you want naked pictures of me with my dog with your face photoshopped upon the dog’s thigh? So you definitely know it’s me.

        Like

      2. Oh, by the way, I don’t know what you look like so you’ll probably have to settle for a Microsoft Paint imagining of your facial possibilities as they occur in my mind upon the dog’s thigh. Sorry about that.

        Like

      3. Excellent! That makes much more sense, and means less vomit, too!

        Like

  2. Mwah ha ha ha!!!! 🙂
    Love it.

    Like

    1. Did you actually try it? How’s it working for ya?

      Like

      1. It’s working great! Sorry I forgot to send twitter-abuse when I added you! Seriously though – it’s great to avoid the crappe and the advertising. 🙂

        Like

  3. This Twitter tip deserves a tweet. Good job, sir. And free. I am all amazement. *grin*

    Like

    1. Still a bargain at twice the price!

      Like

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