Behold! I give you the ultimate evil in the galaxy!
I installed the damn thing once. By doing so I think I earned a few “Dino bucks” in my dino wranglin’ game, but that’s another story.
I opened the game and played a level. I found the motif totally inane and annoying. The game itself was vapid and uninspired. I said to myself, “Hey, self! Isn’t this game just a rip-off variation of those 42 million other games where you match and line shit up so more shit will fall down?”
I promptly deleted it from my device. What a stupid piece of shit, I thought. Luckily I’ll never have to hear of it again.
Wikipedia calls this type of game a “match-three puzzle video game.” I call it Bejeweled, a game originally released for computer browsers back in 2001. Really? Has it really been that long? I feel old.
As is often the case in capitalism, it is the ripper who becomes the greatest douchbag about ripping that the world has ever seen. I guess it takes one to know one.
The paradigm of the game is simple: They let you play a little bit for free then give you a choice. You can wait X number of minutes … or …. you can click that little button in your device that has glommed onto your wallet and kiss 99 cents goodbye and get it now.
After all, it’s “only” 99 cents, right? But that money is gone forever and those little “in-game” purchases can add up.
Apparently some people voluntarily choose to bleed their wallets into a company named King which is based in the United Kingdom. (Awwwww! Not China? Not Russia? Not Nigeria? Sometimes the world just doesn’t make sense, dammit!)
I read a news article today that that King is clearly over $1 million a day in profit from this stupid piece of shit game based on a concept that was ripped off from someone else.
To that end, King reportedly secured a trademark on the word “candy” from the European Union. In the United States the company is waiting for their trademark to be approved.
King recently began flexing it’s trademark muscles by issuing “take down notices” and forcing the removal of apps from app stores based on “intellectual property infringements” because they used the word candy. How in the hell can a single word be trademarked? How in the hell is the use of a single word an “infringement?”
I submit that evil like this is only possible in a capitalist-based world where, for example, things like corporations are claimed to be persons. Yes, corporations eat and poop and take various forms of evil, but there is slightly more to it than that.
Besides app stores King is also reportedly going ofter the makers of clothing that use the word “candy.”
The super-popular smartphone game Candy Crush Saga now not only owns all your free time but your language as well. The game’s maker, the aptly named King, just had their trademark approved over the use of the word candy in video games, clothing, gambling services, amusement parks and pretty much everything else.
Capitalism sure gives people wacky ideas.
In closing: “Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy.” I show my back on the King! I will not bend a knee! This story is even sicker than the freaky shit that comes out of the mind of George R. R. Martin and he knows a thing or two about Kings.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting with my lawyers concerning my attempt to trademark the word “the.” Enjoy it while you can!
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