Drowned By Dribblings

half-empty-glassBy one definition, perhaps the only one that matters, there are two kinds of people in this world: Those who finish their beverages down to the last drop and those who always leave some behind.

I’m the former. “Never leave a beverage behind,” I’m pretty damn famous for saying.

Some, however, fall for that old wives’ tale that beverage enjoyment abates the deeper you get. Hogwash!

That first icy cold blast of Pepsi or Coke or beer is sublime goodness, right? On the other hand, that pathetic last half inch leftover at the bottom isn’t worth the backwashed-spit that now comprises 42% of its volume.

I guess the big question is this: Are all of those partially-filled glasses left lying around the house “half empty” or “half full?” The correct answer, of course, is: “Who gives a shit? Clean that crap up!”

For some peculiar reason I seem to be pretty damn interested in what others do with their beverages. Perhaps as a small child I choked on a half empty glass of leftover Ovaltine or Tang that some damn fool left where my chubby little baby arms could reach? The world may never know.

To a binary thinker, it’s hard to see the logic in umpteen mostly-empty bottles of Coke desperately clinging to lukewarm, lifeless liquids in their innards. Why, oh God, why? Does every nook and cranny of the house have to be crammed with glasses half empty? No wonder I’m negative.

I grabbed my calculator, as I am often wont to do, and quickly determined that we waste $4,200 a year on “unfinished drink.” I just added that category to our budget.

The other night my wife made dinner. To equalize things, I made her a glass of iced tea. I brought her my loving creation, but she wagged a finger at it. “Fill it up some more,” she said. “All the way.”

“Why?” I cried. “That last little bit is just the part you’re not going to drink anyway. Can’t we forget it? Just this once?”

Needless to say that did not go over well. The glass was topped off.

These things are really fun come dishwasher time. Open the dishwasher, pull out the top rack, grab a glass, invert and shove it in there. Oops! You just splashed someone’s leftover dribblins all over yourself. Ha ha!

I have learned, through bitter experience, that every glass must first visit the sink for the dumping phase. Period. Bar none. It’s an ingrained habit by now. I’m practically incapable of any other action at this point. Ding! Woof! Empty. Bark.

Last night I was handed a refreshing mint julep. Yeah, just like Doctor McCoy used to enjoy back in Mississippi. Without realizing what I was doing, I shuffled over to the sink, dumped it out, and put the glass in the dishwasher.

Curse you, non-beverage all the way drinkers!!!

So, I have an important question for you, the loyal reader. Which one are you? A finisher or a quitter? Do you get the job done – all the way done – or do you punk out at the end? Are you the sort that walks away from a project a hair’s breadth short of success? Do you live life to the fullest or leave a little dribble behind?

Really, I want to know. A lot depends on how you answer.

Afterwards we can get together and have a good laugh. The drinks will be on me.

20 responses

  1. Put it this way…if alcohol is involved, that glass gets licked dry.

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    1. Oops. I forgot the “does not pertain to alcohol” disclaimer.

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      1. You’re excused.
        You were probably drinking when you wrote this post.
        And that’s acceptable.

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  2. My three drinks are coffee, booze, and water. Obviously you don’t waste a drop of coffee or booze. In California, you don’t let water needlessly evaporate either.

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    1. I think California should press charges against anyone who leaves water in a glass.

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  3. Dear Shouts,
    I have a family member who will come over to my house, open a canned beverage, take a few sips, put it down, then a little while later, grab a new one and open it, and repeat. A two hour visit typically results in 4 or 5 abandoned cans laying around, all her doing.
    Signed,
    Frustrated in Fresno

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    1. That’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about!

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  4. Now I feel guilty.

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    1. It’s okay. We forgive you. As long as I can take what’s left in the glass and dramatically toss it in your face. 🙂

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      1. It’s a lot of fun. I speak from experience. Various scenarios.

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      2. I’ve been thrown-up on. Does that count?

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      3. I’d be pretty heartless if I said it didn’t. 🙂

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      4. Ha! Awesome.

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  5. I’m a finisher who lives with two non-finishers. Sigh.

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    1. I feel your pain! 🙂

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  6. I was always a finisher (hate wasting what I pay for 😛 ), but after the ‘42% of spit’ revelation, I might just convert to quitter :mrgreen:

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    1. if it’s your own spit it probably doesn’t matter. Try not to think about it. 🙂

      I still fail to see any significant difference in liquid quality based on elevation.

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      1. Haha! I’ll definitely TRY not to think about it. Thanks for the thought though.. Bahaha!!

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Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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