Elvis lyrics translated into English

The sperm about to penetrate the ovum.

The lucky sperm about to penetrate the ovum.

I have decided, as a pubic service, to run some Elvis Presley lyrics through the universal translator. I hope you enjoy these as if hearing them for the first time.

Doubt my qualifications? Don’t. I was literally married under a velvet painting of Elvis in the Graceland Wedding Chapel, Las Vegas, Nevada. (But not to my wife, mind you.) I’m qualified enough.

Now bring on the big romantic ballads…

It’s Now Or Never

It’s now or never
(Daddy is in the mood)
Come hold me tight
(I will direct the action)
Kiss me my darling
(This had better be good)
Be mine tonight
(This will decidedly not be a long-term relationship)
Tomorrow will be too late
(Parts of me are feeling blue)
It’s now or never
(No promises after the booze wears off)
My love won’t wait
(There’s a BP situation in my pants)

Wasn’t that fun? Are you feeling all romantic? Make the jump and let’s do one more.

Amazingly it works equally well on practically any Elvis song!

Blinded by the lights.

Blinded by the lights.

King Creole

There’s a man in New Orleans
(Hint: it’s a body part in the deep south)
Who plays rock and roll
(That’s a euphemism for sex)
He’s a guitar man
(He likes to pluck)
With a great big soul
(Viagra in a jelly roll)
He lays down a beat
(He lays down a beat)
Like a ton of coal
(You’ll know when he “arrives”)
He goes by the name of King Creole
(I like to name my genitalia)

Romance is so much fun if you’re doing It right!

15 responses

  1. I’m thinking his jungle room was nothing more than a rumpus room with a tiger print lampshade.

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    1. I think you’re right. Want to design our Elvis room?

      Like

  2. NotAPunkRocker | Reply

    South Park has ruined his songs only because I hear Cartman each time, not just on “In the Ghetto” (aka “On the Side of Town You Pretend Doesn’t Exist”). Not that I was too much of a fan to begin with 😀

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    1. Omigosh — that was *priceless*!

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    2. Cartman likes to ruin songs, doesn’t he? He spoiled Come Sail Away by Styx for me. That song was meaningful until he showed up.

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      1. NotAPunkRocker

        I think he improved “Poker Face,” but I get it.

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  3. This is brilliant – I really *did* laugh out loud!
    Do you take requests? Because I’d love to see you translate Jerry Lee Lewis (Whole Lotta Shakin’). 😉

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    1. Thanks! That’s the best kind of feedback. Yes, I do take requests, but usually in the form of, “Be an ottoman.” And, occasionally, other forms of furniture. I have yet to try divan.

      That’s a good tune. I’ll do my best to ruin it as fast as I can. My spidey sense is tingling and warning me that shakin’ just might be a euphemism for something else. I’ll get my top men on it.

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      1. Something tells me your top men should wear protective gear, ’cause it’s gonna get messy! I’m a bit concerned about that whole “chicken in the barn” business……. o.O

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      2. Have you seen my outfit?!?!? That’s no accident. I treat all humans like contagion.

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  4. I’ve been listening to the lyrics of my favorite songs all wrong. It really is all about sex.
    *grin*

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    1. “Go around the world in a pickup truck” always makes me think dirty. I don’t know why. My theory has always been that every song is about sex. Especially hymns.

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      1. Yes, hymns are very psalm’s on.

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      2. Nice. Must be the hairy kind. What what?

        Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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