Dear Taco Bell

Remember the Black Taco? It came with something called “Volcano Sauce,” which, if memory serves, came from a new venereal disease which was caused by the Black Taco itself. I know, I know! It’s a Chicken and Egg type of thing. Best not to think about it too much. Somehow this piece of Classic Abyssicana circa 2009 never generated any comments? I think it was the internet’s way of telling me, “You can go to black taco shell!” That’s just cracked.

Shouts from the Abyss

Dear Taco Bell,

I went in to buy a burrito. I had 89 cents from my piggy bank I had just smashed with a hammer when mom wasn’t looking. I also put a hole in the wall. All I wanted was a bean burrito. I was told I needed 10 more cents. Why can’t I has a bean burrito? Why?



P.S. God bless us, every one!

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for your kind note. Have you tried our black taco?

We aren’t really sure why our Chicken Burrito costs only 89 cents but a Bean Burrito costs 99 cents. I guess we’re just a bunch of idiots.

Black taco-ly yours,

Ronald McTaco

P.S. The only God we recognize is black taco. Oh, and have we mentioned the black taco yet?

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Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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