Microtears Of A Clown #wink

BESTPIX Toilet Themed Exhibition Attracts Visitors

Why? I don’t know. This image spoke to me.

So the other day I was reading this article about poop and thongs (it’s my way) when a line of text reached out and grabbed me:

Wipe thoroughly but gently. Too much friction may cause microtears, which are more prone to infection if fecal matter gets inside them.

Source: Jezebel.com – Why Is There Poop on My Thong? An Investigation

If you’re anything like me (and you’re probably not) your first reaction might be, “Hey, motherfucker! That’s some goddamned useful information.”

My lot in life is to be behind the times and bring up the rear.

Now I understand as well as the next person that in our fear-based taboo-driven culture we’re supposed to figure out most valuable life knowledge via “self-exploration.” But where do we draw the line? Perchance maybe this nugget of wisdom should have risen to the level of being lore that might have been passed on?

Young people have to rely on adults to share the true mysteries of life. We simply aren’t born with the ability to glean it all on our own.

Where adults fail, education is supposed to finish the job. Yet, somehow, none of my classes ever got around to a topic like this. Not health class. Not home economics. Not wood shop. Not even my favorite class, Septics 201.

Now, in my twilight hours, I’m forced to rely on a snarky internet post to finally explain the facts of life when, really, it’s information that should have been brought to my attention yesterday. Only now, at the end, do I finally understand.

I can’t help but wonder what else I don’t know.

6 responses

  1. I’m really scared about those microtears now. Damn you thongs and poop!

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    1. I take it you also learned something new?! 🙂

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      1. I was was a happy man without these new health hazard walking round me.but from now on, I will keep away from microtears… 🙂

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  2. Go on a date night and see Menopause the Musical. Forget about micro tears when you’ve got a Sub Saharan hugging that thong. It’s the reason men come out as gay in their 50’s or get a divorce and land a younger second wife. That’s what my dental hygienist told me, I really look up to her.

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  3. Your image of the family fun slide into a toilet is killing me….I can’t scroll thru my “reader” without losing it.

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  4. That’s why I don’t wipe.

    Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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