A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary:
noun (pl. likeotomies) [ usu. in sing. ]
usage of the “favorite” button on tweets about my lobotomy: too bad you are now unable to grok the likeotomy I gave you.
A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary.
I’m pretty much a collector of likes. Feel free to share one of your own. I always appreciate them. I think.
[I] want to say thank you to you. I haven’t had an orthodox career and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it. And I can’t deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me! Thank you.
–Sally Fields, March 25, 1985
Thank you, Ms. Fields. That’s exactly how I feel each and every time one of my tweets gets a star on the Twitter Walk of Shame. I’ve personally counted more visits by Halley’s Comet, though.
It works like this: You see a tweet you like (or some other masturbatory form of social media expression) and you like it. So you click the little icon that means favorite, like, upvote, star and/or what not. What’s so hard to understand about that?!
It turns out that “like” is sometimes the wrong tone.
“My father molested me every single day until I was eight years old.”
Do you think, somehow, that “like” seems misplaced here?
“Like” is binary. You either like or don’t like. You can’t have both. That’s the dichotomy of “like.”
Some online services, like Facebook and Twitter, only give you these two choices. You can click “like” or “favorite” or you can not click. That’s it. A total of two states of expression.
The right to make no decision. Such a beautiful choice. And one that many people avail themselves of every single day. Especially on my timeline. Can I choose to interpret your lack of action as loving support? I think I will.
A “like” can be used to indicate empathy or support, but, if the intention is not well understood, the results could be disastrous. How well does that other person really know you, anyway?
These days social scientists and bad people are thin-slicing our data trying to glean things about us. Apparently, just by clicking “like” on a Facebook page about curly fries you may unwittingly provide an indicator that you are intelligent. Who knew? See the Ted video (below) for more information about this.
In the name of science I went and subjected myself to scrutiny. I used a website called You Are What You Like to analyze my Facebook account. The website attempts to quantify things about me and my personality based on my “like” clicks. Admittedly I don’t like much on Facebook, so the results aren’t all that accurate. I bet this shit would work wonders on my sister’s account, though. She doesn’t so much as fart sideways without broadcasting that activity to the net.
Click here to learn more than you ever wanted to know about me. I bet you’ll like it.
My advice? Never like anything. Ever. You’re welcome.