The Surreal Housewives of #PDX

Dysfunctional-familyFamily is enemies you don’t get to choose.
–Tom B. Taker

Once again that special time of year is nigh upon us. The holidays. Where we gather with family and friends around fire and hearth to poke at each other’s eyeballs with forks.

Run. I mean that in a T-Rex-is-gaining-on-us-in-the-Jeep sort of way.

From time to time my wife will venture out to work for the Portland elite to line her pocketses with a few handfuls of coppers. She hangs out her shingle as consultant and efficiency expert. That means, of course, employers will spend their entire day trying to trick her into changing diapers, walking the dog and running to Starbucks for another Cornucopia of Venti.

The following is a true story. No embellishment.

It was Thanksgiving. The husband’s parents arrived for a two-week stay. The day after Thanksgiving the wife took off, on her own, to vacation separately in Palm Springs until the in-laws had safely left town.

Why didn’t I think of that?! Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid. Me so stupid! Me bad.

With the in-laws left home alone, the husband locked himself away in the office. The nanny watched their children. And the mother-in-law proceeded to grill household staff. “What the hell does she do around here, anyway?”

God bless us, every one.

14 responses

  1. If you’re gonna run from a T-Rex, might as well run all the way to Palm Springs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I believe that’s the plot of Jurassic Park: The New Batch.

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      1. I’ve never seen Jurassic Park, but that doesn’t mean I won’t run from flesh eating dinosaurs.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I run from flesh-eating bacteria.

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      3. You can run, but you can’t hide your hide.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. OMG! This is riotous, ringing so close to home, with one exception. I could spend all day with my father-in-law and my husband’s brother. I just need cab fare and airline tickets to send hubby and his mama to the far reaches of the North Pole.

    You aren’t by chance offering a gift package, a sweepstakes? Heck, how about a loan?

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    1. Somethings things work out. Even with family! So enjoy being the exception to the rule. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. As fast as you can say caftan, I’d do the same thing. My kind of gal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always love your kaftanesque comments.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Next Christmas, I’ll be at the airport with tickets to Fiji. One will have your name on it. *grin*

    Don’t freak out when you see my new blog title. I had to file for divorce from Blogdramedy and an email is on its way to the gang to explain why. *sigh*

    Got any tequila?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So I’ll have a ticket to Fuji. Sounds awesome. And may I ask where your ticket will be going? Someplace non-Fuji I assume! ๐Ÿ™‚

      My Russian winter hat has a secret compartment built-in. That’s where the tequila goes. And I’m taking the hat with. Because it’s mighty cold in Fiji.

      Like

    2. Wow! That is heavy news – is tequila really enough? *grimace*

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      1. You’ve seen one-man bands? I always carry 42 different kinds of spirits. I can whip out any cocktail on demand.

        Liked by 1 person

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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