Famous Toms: Stankus

Allegedly a Stankus, Tom. No relation.

Allegedly: Stankus, Tom. No relation.

I was sitting around holding my eyelids open and trying to shoot tiddlywinks inside when I had an idea. “My name is Tom. Who are other people named Tom?”

Yes. It is time for this blog to get all educational up in your grill. I am proud to present a new irregular ongoing series entitled Famous Toms From History.

First up is someone named Stankus. Yes, that’s Tom Stankus, you brainiac. You catch on fast.

As always, sensitivity comes first here in The Abyss, so I did a bit of research before unleashing this post. It’s all about due diligence and maintaining high standards. Besides, “stankus” sounds like it should be dirty, right? I consulted with the Urban Dictionary just to make sure:

Top Definition
Stankus
The coolest last name in the history of all last names ever. People with the last name Stankus are teased mercilessly and given nicknames like “stinky”, “stink-ass” “skank-ass”, etc. However, Stankus’s know that everyone else is merely jealous of their awesomely amazingly cool last name. Stankus’s are very proud of their name and insults have no effect on them whatsoever.
“Oh, I sure wish my last name was Stankus like that awesome person over there… I’ll take out my anger on them by calling them names!”
by Laughing Jesus, July 25, 2008
Excellent. That doesn’t seem so bad. Pro Tip: Don’t read any further down that Urban Dictionary page.
By now you’re probably asking, “Shut up! Who is Tom Stankus, besides a shroom-induced figment of your depravation?”
I’m glad you asked. Mr. Stankus, who also goes by the name “T-Bone” (apologies to George Costanza), is an American musician (according to his Wikipedia entry). He’s also known as “America’s Musical Pied Piper.” Sorry. You’re on your own. I’m too scared to check the Urban Dictionary on that one.
These days he may be known more for T-Bone’s Camp Muckalucka and story time and beach balls and campfire singalongs but to me he’ll always be fondly remembered for the song that appears below.
Grab yourself some opium, roll / bowl / vape / dime bag / kilo / bogart or whatever, and enjoy.
Choose Your Adventure ™
Watch video Number One for Beginner Level. Watch video Number Two for Advanced Level.
Which path to enlightenment will you choose?

8 responses

  1. This post stank. It’s full of stank. It stanked all up in my tank. It’s too much stank.
    I’m now tanked. *hiccup*

    Like

    1. I’m sure “stank” must mean something to the kids. I wouldn’t know.

      Like

    1. That what poppies will do to you, I guess. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I felt like I was having a major panic attack!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Do I have to watch the videos? Is it as bad as my pan flute post? Why do you torture me so?

    Like

    1. A wise person once told me, “Torture your readers.” I really took that to heart. And brain. And courage.

      Like

  3. Stankus is an awesome last name. I too have looked into people with my name, but it turns out, the most famous dude with my name was a bad guy. I mean a REALLY bad guy.

    Liked by 1 person

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