Garbage Sandy Springs

Mister Thompson calls the waiter, orders steak and baked potato
(Then) he leaves the bone and gristle and he never eats the skin
The busboy comes and takes it, with a cough contaminates it
(And he) puts it in a can with coffee grounds and sardine tins
And the truck comes by on Friday and carts it all away
A thousand trucks just like it are converging on the Bay

Oh, Garbage, garbage, garbage, garbage
We’re filling up the seas with garbage
What will we do when there’s no place left
To put all the garbage

Click to hear these lyrics (and more) in action

And now, from our ongoing series Tales Of The Justice

Who says that justice is dead? Finally, a punishment that fits the crime.

Meet garbage man Kevin McGill, 48, resident of Atlanta, Georgia, husband, and father of two children. His crime? Reporting to work too early. The punishment? Thirty (30) days in jail.

For once the justice system finally seems to be working. Really, shouldn’t reporting too early to work always result in jail time? I think so!

I humbly suggest we make this a constitutional amendment. I sustain the motion!

For those OCD nitwits out there who demand more detail I’ll reluctantly say this. His job is picking up the garbage. A city ordinance says that garbage shall not be picked up earlier than 7 a.m. McGill, obviously a true go-getter in the refuse collection industry, started his shift early. This naturally startled residents in an affluent neighborhood of Sandy Springs, a suburb located north of Atlanta.

Naturally the startled residents, hearing the terrifying sounds of a garbage truck around 5 a.m., responded to the situation by calling 9-1-1.

I hate to even think what I would have done in similar circumstances. Of course you call 9-1-1. That’s what you do. That’s what public service ads on television have been telling us for years. 9-1-1 is reserved for the important stuff. I probably would have gone further and voided my bladder and bowels. That feels like the Sandy Springs thing to do.

Residents of the wealthy neighborhood reportedly include Herman Cain and “professional athletes and executives for Delta Air Lines.” We now pause for these commercial messages while I cancel my subscription to ESPN and make new travel arrangements.

Thankfully the culprit was apprehended and the garbage in his truck was (presumably) seized into state’s evidence. Finally a task worthy of Atlanta CSI.

“One thing’s for sure,” said the star du jour while removing his super-sparkly sunglasses. “Something about this case stinks.” He then made some comment about keeping a “lid” on news coverage.

Justice was quickly served. The prosecutor (chief solicitor) wanted 30 days in jail. It was McGill’s first offense. McGill voluntarily agreed to the “plea deal” without a lawyer present and only accompanied by a representative of Waste Management, Inc., who was expecting nothing more than a routine $1,000 fine.

The prosecutor stood by the outcome saying it was right to go after McGill personally rather than his employer. “Fines don’t seem to work,” he said. “The only thing that seems to stop the activity is actually going to jail.” Yes, these are real verbatim quotes.

Fortunately, by press time and despite the fact that the story had been picked up internationally, the city and the judge had a miraculous change of heart and the charges were dropped. Yeah, just like that. That’s how they roll in Sandy Springs. Bag it and tag it. This case is done.

Suddenly the solicitor was saying whacky shit like 30 days in jail for violation of a noise ordinance was “disproportionate to a first-time offense.”

They sure do keep things classy in those ritzy neighborhoods.

5 responses

  1. Here in Italy we’re having a problem getting our garbage collected at any time. City workers pick up one day and when you put it out the same day the following week, no pick up. Maybe their know we’re tourists?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re just happy to get the service. Apparently you don’t have the time to critique how the underlings perform it because you’re out being a real person.

      Like

      1. Too true, dat. Plus everyone over here is so friendly you feel like you’re doing them a good service by not complaining and just finding a place to stash the garbage until next week. *grin*

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This isn’t fair–the dude shouldn’t have to do jail time. HOWEVER, residents do have a right to expect that the garbage service which they pay for comes during daylight ours. I think the fault lies not with the people who called to complain (however rich they were and therefore guilty of myriad other crimes), but with the powers-that-be who actually prosecuted the guy. The guy probably wouldn’t have been arrested and jailed if the complaints had come from a poorer neighborhood–which it seems to me is the real problem, but we certainly wouldn’t think badly of any people from the poor neighborhood who did complain.

    Like

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