Lost Works of Dr. Seuss – Excerpt

asshole-neighbor

Lost works of Dr. Seuss have been popping up madly. I searched my attic and found one about neighbors acting badly. I don’t own the rights so I won’t be a millionaire. But on my blog under “fair use” claims I figured I would share.

Enjoy.

The Butthole Battle Book – Death to a Neighbor

Here’s a little story about a creature I abhor
A freak of nature who’s my closest neighbor

In his backyard late at night he’s yelllin’
Woke me from sleep when clock said 12:37

Wide awake – unable to go to sleep
I lay daydreaming schemin’ revenge on the creep

Passive-aggressive that’s the way for me
He’ll never ever know the source of his misery

One thing that’s good is dropping meth in his mail box
Then scurrying home and anonymous calling up the cops

Or being artistic and drawing messages in his grass
But rather than paint using a nice can of gas

I thought a giant slingshot might be a little funny
Using sneaking bombs made of nothing but honey

Don’t worry I’m not quite as bad as I’ve depicted
Instead I called his landlord and got him evicted

I’m not so sure that this was very prudent
The new neighbors turned out to be no improvement

8 responses

  1. The Butthole Battle Book…..I like it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Loosely named after an authentic Dr. Seuss tome.

      Like

    1. Thank you, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmm, I think this is a wonderful guide book that I will enjoy for years to come. You should update it with putting “free stuff” in front of your neighbors’ house and using their address for pick up. Not that I would know anything about that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. See? His stories are relatable to the reader’s personal experiences.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I particularly like Dr. Seuss’ ode to temporary irregularity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How irregular can it be if it’s only temporary?

      Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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