In Brevity: Some Enchanted iTunes Evening

brevity-isIt goes like this: “You give me money and I’ll give you ABC.”

Rarely, however, does ABC live up to the hype. Rarely is it even a dim shadow of what you were led to believe. This is the essence of the art of selling: Always Be Cheating.

Even better is when they say: “Give us money and we’ll give you something we can’t be bothered to define.” That’s when they cackle with glee. You don’t even get the false promises and lies.

Take iTunes for example.

It was a special occasion. Everything had to be perfect. The table had been set with care and dinner would be ready soon. Tom dimmed the lights to set the mood.

Using his Apple remote and his Apple TV, he activated the home theater system and selected some music from “Purchased” in iTunes. Magically the lush sounds of Coldplay filled the living room from the pair of Klipsch speakers he’d acquired at Goodwill.

After five-seconds of playback, though, there was an annoying pause in the music. This happened every time. Like always, Tom was angry but he let it go. He had a schedule to keep.

The evening went pretty well. But every once in a while the music would just stop. After turning on the TV, the menu would just be sitting there. No explanation or error was offered.

Glitchy playback and music that stopped inexplicably several times in a single session. That is what Tom had gained with his money. And Apple didn’t even remotely give a shit.

Eventually this happened one time too many. His date threw a glass of re-labeled bourbon in his face, yelled “amateur,” and stormed out.

In frustration Tom hit play on The Martian and licked bourbon from the floor while watching the “loading” animation the rest of the night.

Researching this post, I found iTunes on the official Apple website. Apple makes lofty claims that iTunes is the “best way” to “enjoy the music” where you can use their “iTunes Store to build a personal music library” that’s “just a tap away.”

I can’t help but notice they never promised it wouldn’t be glitchy or pause all the time. They left that part out. Clever bastards.

Welcome to the wonderful world of modern technology. A world where nothing ever seems to work quite as well as you were led to believe. Opt me in.

8 responses

  1. Perhaps the name “Apple” is an allusion to the poisoned apple of Snow White fame? It looks sweet and delicious, but beware it’s content? (Okay, that was a stretch, but apple analogies don’t just fall from trees, you know.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. And to take it a bit further to its logical conclusion, there is no technology fairy to swoop in, sprinkle magic dust, and make things right. Then of that the next time some piece of technology isn’t working as promised.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Our country, and possibly the world, has lost the one quality that would make everything work before it is sold; INTEGRITY!

    Mechanical products, politics, electronic products and even religion; they have all lost their integrity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you’re right. It’s sad when a coffee pot made in the early 20th century works better and lasts longer than ones sold today. Of course, back then they were made to last and these days things are designed to break on purpose. (That’s called “growth.”)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Put the blame where it belongs. Sounds like a slow internet provider breaking their promises to me. Apple can’t help that. But what do I know. I use Pandora.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Perhaps, perhaps. I did consider that. An internet drop out could explain why the music stops. (If so, iTunes could mention it.)

      That still doesn’t explain the one-second pause that I get every single time I playback purchased music. There are few guarantees in life but that is one of them. šŸ™‚

      Like

  4. Oh puuleeese, don’t get me started with iTunes!
    Used to be SO easy to just get music. Purchase a song, sync your iPod, done.
    Now, you have to purchase, find, “add to” iPod, THEN sync. Figured this shit out after an hour of basically foaming at the mouth trying to figure out why my music wasn’t showing up on my iPod.
    And you can’t even blame China for this lousy technology. Japan? Jobs? SOMEONE IS GOING TO PAY!
    Curmudgeon is right though, use Pandora next time. You get an occasional ad now and then for the free service. Wait, I think it was you who told me to get the paid service. What are you using Apple for!?
    We get Panasonic or Sony speakers at our local thrift stores. Never Klipsch. Lucky you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was a Pandora subscriber when I worked in the office and had headphones on 40 hours a week. Now I work at home and prefer to use my iTunes library that has about 15,000 songs. It’s like my own private radio station.

      Sync is can be pretty darn frustrating but I think we’ve finally got a handle on it. There were times I almost smashed my device, though. šŸ™‚

      Here’s my setup: iTunes library on my external 1TB hard drive. I send the music from my iMac to the Apple TV (via wi-fi) which plays on my home theater sound system. That generally works quite magically but occasionally stops playback for no discernible reason. It can’t be an internet outage since it’s confined to my own router.

      The Klipsch speakers are pretty nice but on the other hand they were at Goodwill for a reason. I wouldn’t exactly describe them as “gently used.” I’m always looking for an upgrade. And my Sony AM/FM Receiver was only $5 at a garage sale. šŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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