In Brevity: #Technology

brevity-isIt was Sunday morning. I was sitting on the sofa with my wife. She was trying to open an “eCard” and watching a spinning animation instead. I was trying to access a website and getting a spinning animation, too.

It wasn’t the internet connection. It was that technology is shitty.

How sad is this? I thought as we sat there clicking refresh umpteen times. This is the world that technology has promised.

Futuristic togetherness. Watching. Waiting. Together. Forever.

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In Brevity: Starbucks?! Starfucks!!

brevity-isThis week Starbucks announced changes to their rewards program. What does it mean?

Don’t worry. I’m here to break it down brevity-style. No, not breve. Starbucks “baristas” don’t know that word.

Why the change? According to Starbucks Newsroom official website it was done “based on the #1 customer request” to have more stars. In other words, you asked for this. Look what you made us do!

In the way back I’d heard about Starbucks stars. I drank there when it was in my face and I wanted coffee so I enthusiastically figured, “What the hell?” I signed up and gave it a try.

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In Brevity: Some Enchanted iTunes Evening

brevity-isIt goes like this: “You give me money and I’ll give you ABC.”

Rarely, however, does ABC live up to the hype. Rarely is it even a dim shadow of what you were led to believe. This is the essence of the art of selling: Always Be Cheating.

Even better is when they say: “Give us money and we’ll give you something we can’t be bothered to define.” That’s when they cackle with glee. You don’t even get the false promises and lies.

Take iTunes for example.

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In Brevity: Shitter #RIPTwitter

How Twitter really worksChuckling to myself, I went on Twitter and wrote a tweet. I cleverly included a hashtag and clicked the “Tweet” button. Damn, but I’m funny.

I was now a content producer. Please, no autographs.

Excited, I clicked the hashtag which had magically transformed into a link to bask in the glory of my newfound celebrity status.

My eyes scanned the page. Uh oh, trouble! My tweet was nowhere in sight! “Alas, what’s happened?!” I cried out to the universe.

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Brevity is: Spamily

brevity-isIt’s not the gift but the thought that counts. Or so I’ve been told. And the thought behind this gift spoke volumes, the thoughtfulness of a $50 gift card to Olive Garden from a boss in lieu of a legitimate Christmas bonus.

Not that I’m known for having a fondness for Olive Garden. I haven’t been to one in over 10 years. Still, a gift card to dinner is marginally better than last year’s bonus, a gift card to Walmart which was used to get kitty litter. Joy.

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Guru Comic: A New Hopeful

guru-hopeful

Brevity is: Puzzled

brevity-is999 puzzle pieces on the wall
999 puzzle pieces
Take one down
Pass it around
We’re doomed

I don’t do puzzles. But Friday was “National Puzzle Day” and the wife insisted.

From out of nowhere she produced a 1,000-piece puzzle. It was a photograph of candy wrappers. It was used. I moaned, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

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