Tag Archives: anus

It walks like a duck

our-worldI had this science fiction vision once. It’s the farthest corner of the universe. Two humans find themselves in an alien jail. The jail is overflowing with multitudes of strange creatures, life forms and aliens. They all have differing numbers of eyes, noses, mouths and faces. Some are sticky to the touch.

Humans are extremely rare in that part of the galaxy. But, against all odds, somehow there are two of them in the very same jail. The jail is enormous, like eight times the size of the Death Star. That’s because it’s operated as a for-profit enterprise by some alien corporation. But that’s another story.

One day the two isolated humans happen to bump into each other.

In that moment, I imagine they’d find some thread of a shred of humanity and commonality that they would cling to like a life raft in that alien sea.
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Logic Shot Through The Heart

The NRA is the winner of this year’s SFTA Batshit Crazy Award. Congratulations! You earned it.

The existence of the National Rifle Association begs the question, “Can you win an argument with a crazy person?”

The answer, of course, is, “Hell no. BANG. BANG. You’re dead. Now don’t say shit like that ever again.”

Well shut my mouth.

I’ve been trying to think of an analogy to start this post. I utterly failed so we’ll go with the ever popular cookie.

“If you eat that cookie you will die.”

“You know what? I’m willing to risk it. NOM NOM NOM!!!”

Four years later…

“If you eat another cookie you will die.”

“Are you fucking serious? You were totally wrong about that four years ago. Totally. It is scientifically impossible to be any more wrong than you were. I’m still here. I ate the cookie and I didn’t die. You were the worst wrong of all time. You hold the world record for wrongness about that cookie. How do you live with the fact that you were absolutely wrong in every possible way?”

“Easy. I figured out that the cookie had an evil plan. It decided to kill you later. It didn’t kill you the first time because it wanted to lull you into a false sense of security. The next time you eat the cookie you will die. You’ll see. That’s why I was wrong. I failed to truly understand the evil and deviousness of that cookie.”

Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice? You must be the NRA.
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