Tag Archives: die

Roll them Scrapples

scrapsMy day job is negativist. In my spare time I try to earn some scrillas for survival. After that, the bulk of the remainder of my time is spent philosophizing and inventing. And pondering the ways of love. And packing lots and lots of boxes.

What I’m saying is I invented a new gambling game and I’m giving it to the world for free. In that way I’m just like the fellow that found the cure to polio and didn’t try to exploit it for big bucks.

Yeah, we need more gambling, so I hope this catches on.

Like most of my inventions, necessity turned out to be one fantastic mother. And, like most of our most harrowing tales, it all started one Christmas not too many years ago…
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This Is The One Where I Save Your Life

Me vs. car? I like those odds!

After three years of daily posting I was recently honored by WordPress who featured my article about China on their Freshly Pressed page. As a result of that freak accident I picked up a few new friends as subscribers. Welcome! I’m a Fresh Maker.

For all my friends, both freshly new and old/busted, today I will reveal arcane knowledge that will, if heeded, save your life. I can single-handedly make you remain a viable member of the elite group known as “still alive.”

Interested? Read on! And unlike some people, after I’ve saved your life my demands on your servitude will barely be noticeable. You won’t even know I’m here.
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DIY: Britney Spears’ private phone number

What are the odds Britney and I would have the exact same outfit? Dammit! Image source: OMG! Why? Why? My eyes! (Wikipedia.)

What if I told you there was a way to obtain the private phone number for anyone you want? And what if it was completely legal? Now how much would you pay?

Imagine it. You could call anyone you wanted. Maybe even someone like Britney Spears.

[ringtone] … hit me baby one more time … [click]

Britney: Hello?

You: Hi, Britney. OMG, OMG, OMG!!! I can’t believe I’m really talking to you!!!

Britney (irritated): Who the hell is this?

You: It’s me.

Britney (speaking to someone else): Dammit. How the hell do they get this number? I was in the middle of lighting a cigarette, too. [click]

You: Britney? Britney? Are you there? Are you there? [pause] Britney, I love you! [pause] Oh, shit. [pause] Okay, it’s my move in Warhammer 40,000. Okay, okay. Let me finish up the paint job on this┬áTyranid Trygon first.

If you want conversations like that and so much more, make the jump for my secret, surefire technique. The probabilities are that you’ll love it.
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Termination Tuesday – All Good Things

Sponsored by Preparation H.

Termination is such sweet sorrow.
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Termination Tuesday – The Super Bowel I

Sponsored by Preparation H.

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Termination Tuesday – The Spinal Four – Week 2 – Slaughter Conference


It’s time for grizzly bone-crushing fun!

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Termination Tuesday – The Spinal Four – Week 1 (Sudden Death) – Execution Conference


It’s time for sudden death!
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