Did I mention poop yet?
This is the story of a stranger doing all of the travel planning for the final day of our vacation. And we owe it all to poop.
Quick history lesson: It all started on the second day of this blog. I wrote a post entitled Gold Nugget Economics where I espoused the commerce philosophy held by most bosses that everything they produce is a solid gold nugget and everything made by anyone else is poop.
I didn’t set out with a poop agenda on my new blog but there it was on Day Two. What can I say? It fit my economic theory perfectly. Before long the word had been used in several posts. It became a trend. Eventually it became my #1 tag. It was officially a thing.
At that point I did what anyone would do. I vowed to do whatever it took to make sure it stayed #1. Forever. And I would literally move mountains to keep that promise to my loyal reader.
Fast forward to our vacation in Seaside, Oregon this week. We rented a beach house with good friends. We were walking down the main drag. The women folk were shopping. We men were wandering, lost and bored and wondering, “Why the hell aren’t there any fucking benches in this town?” It’s almost like they didn’t want people sitting when they could be spending their money on the quintessential beach crap like fudge, salt water taffy, wind toys, plastic implements of sandcastle construction and nautical-themed nicknacks.
It was then I spied the shirt hanging in front of the cheesy t-shirt shop. “I pooped today.” Houston, we have a problem.
This is about a t-shirt idea I worked up for a post earlier this week. I decided against using it. Then I changed my mind. Here it is! (Click to read more. You know you wanna. What has the super-freak done this time? You’ll only find out if you click. Unless you get off on denial.)
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What? Two blog posts in the same week with a bad word in the title? What gives? Better click in to find out.
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I’ve been cleaning out some old data. It’s a big job since I’ve accumulated a lot over the last two decades. Today I found a little snippet of a text file from September 2002 and felt it was quite telling in light of how my blog has turned out.
Apparently I haven’t changed all that much.
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Two new items featured in the (theoretical) Abyss-Mall:
The sleek, stylish beefy tee let’s the world know how you feel. Short and sweet with stark elegant simplicity. Show up in this shirt and you’ll be the strife of the party, silently judging and rating everything you see. Reek of negativity!
Election campaigns are no time to scrimp on negativity. In fact, if you’re not careful, your crafted message of negativity may get lost in all of the election hoopla. Well no more! Sum up your negative political feelings with this new radical anti-establishment tshirt. Whatever it is, you are against it!
My next big idea: A line of t-shirts based on the movie The Princess Bride. That movie has a veritable plethora of shirt ideas. 🙂
These are either exact quotes or phrases based on the movie…
I mock your pain.
As you wish.
Looking for the six-fingered man.
Life is pain.
Rodent of unusual size.
I am not left-handed.
Dread Pirate Roberts.
You killed my father. Prepare to die.
You think true love happens every day?
You seem like a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Mostly-dead all day.
I know something you don’t know.
Get used to disappointment.
Give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it.
No one withstands The Machine.
Death only delays true love.
You warthog-faced buffoon.
Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.
Today’s idea: T-shirts based on over-the-top advertising hype.
Yes, some of these are intended to be ribald.
30 percent more free!
Now even more scrumptious.
New and improved!
Recommended by 4 out of 5 doctors.
Have me your way.
Positively has to be there overnight.
Chosen by choosy mothers.
Save now on love.
Fast! Easy! Very low cost!
Power, performance and speed!
Not sold in stores.
First time offered.
Enjoyed at home, office or car.
Delivered to your door.
Rent to own.
Limited to first caller.
Incredibly easy to use!